June 20, 2016 “The Rezort” (*1/2 out of four) was a muddled horror thriller about a group of friends who go on a vacation in the wilderness and are mauled and eaten by flesh-eating zombies. Takes forever to get going and doesn’t have anything that you haven’t seen before and seen better. Watch “Walking Dead” reruns instead. Continue reading →
June 20, 2016 “The Last Heist” (*1/2 out of four) was a dismal action melodrama about a bank heist which descends into chaos when one of the hostages (Henry Rollins) turns out to be a serial killer who traps them in the building and kills them off one-by-one. Sounds juicy but is stupid and boring. Hopefully, this is Rolllins’ “last” attempt to become an action star. After this, “He Never Died”, and “Wrong Turn 2”, I’m having a low self-opinion of his acting ability. Continue reading →
June 20, 2016 “The Night Stalker” (** out of four) was a superficial psychodrama about the serial killer and rapist Richard Ramirez (Lou Diamond Phillips) who terrorized California in the ’80’s and film shows how he tells his story to an inquisitive lawyer (Bellamy Young). Film annoyingly jumps back-and-forth between the present day to flashbacks when Ramirez was a child but doesn’t really tell you much about him that’s new or revealing. Phillips is pretty one-note as Ramirez. Similar in structure and concept to “The Silence Of The Lambs” but let’s just say these two are a long way from Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster. Continue reading →
June 20, 2016 “Stressed To Kill” (*1/2 out of four) was a stupid Redbox melodrama about a nerd (Bill Oberst Jr who looks like a wormy Daniel Craig) who suffers a heart attack and attempts to lower his blood pressure by killing people who stress him out! Potentially fun revenge fantasy is hampered by bad acting and even worse writing. Armand Assante alternately sleepwalks, mumbles, and overacts his way through a supporting role as an investigating detective on the case. Continue reading →
June 20, 2016 “The Nice Guys” (** out of four) was a fizzled crime comedy starring Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling as a pair of mismatched private eyes investigating the murder of a pornography star on the seamier side of Los Angeles in 1977. Disappointing result for director and top screenwriter Shane Black whose directing is adequate but whose script is one-note, repetitive, and not terribly funny and did this action buddy comedy much better in “Lethal Weapon” in 1987. A reunion of Crowe and co-star Kim Basinger who both starred in “L.A. Confidential”, a much better crime drama from 1997 that actually had more laughs than this does. Continue reading →
June 20, 2016 “Even Lambs Have Teeth” (*1/2 out of four) was a disposable horror thriller about two young girls (Kirsten Prout, Tiera Skovbye) on a road trip who happen to stop in redneck country and are captured and tortured by a group of bible-spouting hillbilly retards (are there any other kinds in movies like these?) but later turn the tables on them and enact revenge. Filmmakers evidently watched “I Spit On Your Grave” and “Mother’s Day” one too many times before making this but horror fans won’t even want to watch this once. For masochists and Jerry Springer fans only. Continue reading →
June 20, 2016 “Hopeless Romantic” (*1/2 out of four) was a hopelessly dumb and stale romantic comedy about a young guy (Brandon Jones) who tries to use methods from (better) romantic comedy movies to win back his ex-girlfriend (Christa Allen) who recently left him and as the movie progresses, it’s easy to understand why. Viewers would be better off watching any of those other movies (“Sleepless In Seattle” among others) and ignoring this trifle. It’s movies like these that make you realize how much romantic comedies have gone down the tubes over the years. Continue reading →
June 20, 2016 “The Conjuring 2” (** out of four) was a more-of-the-same sequel that makes you wish yet again that horror filmmakers would conjure up some new ideas for horror movies. This time around, Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) and Ed (Patrick Wilson) travel to North London to help a single mother (Francis O’Connor) whose house is possessed by (yawn) evil spirits similar to the ones that plagued their home years before. Some scares and good performances but a definite feeling of deja-vu hangs over the proceedings. Can anyone really tell the difference between this, “Sinister 2”, “Insidious 2”, or any one of the “Paranormal Activity” movies? Continue reading →
June 19, 2016 “You May Now Kill The Bride” (** out of four) was a mediocre thriller about a couple (Ashley Newbrough, Rocky Myers) who get engaged but his stepsister (Tammin Sursok) thinks she has a claim on him and wants to kill him before their wedding. Pedestrian acting and filmmaking make this an all-too-typical Lifetime made-for-tv production. Film could have used more twists and turns and fails to be as clever as its title. Continue reading →
June 19, 2016 “The Funhouse Massacre” (*1/2 out of four) was a campy and silly horror thriller about six of the world’s scariest psychopaths who escape from a local asylum and precede to terrorize the unsuspecting attendants at a Halloween funhouse. Too bad there’s not any fun left over for the audience. Strictly amateur night in terms of filmmaking and production but one-time horror icon Robert Englund is fun as the loony asylum manager and figures prominently in film’s gory opening. Continue reading →
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