August 13, 2016 “Atomic Shark” (*1/2 out of four) was an atomically dumb sci/fi horror pic about a murderous shark composed of atomic radiation who wreaks havoc on the coast of San Diego and one gorgeous lifeguard (Rachele Brooke Smith) who attempts to lead a team to stop it. Laughably bad special effects and acting turns this into an unintentional comedy. “Jaws” had more thrills and laughs in its first 20 minutes than this fiasco does in an hour-and-a-half. Say “farewell and adieu” to this and watch that classic again instead. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “Dark Cove” (* out of four) was an irritatingly stupid Redbox horror thriller about five friends who go camping on the Vancouver Island but plans go awry when they meet up with two Australian surfers which leads to chaos and murder. Staggeringly awful screenplay is made all the worse by unlikeable characters and bad performances. It’s movies like these that killed the horror genre in the ’80’s before “Scream” resurrected it back in 1996. Star Rob Willey was also the director/co-writer/editor and bears most of the blame for this junk. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “The Mind’s Eye” (** out of four) was an ugly sci/fi melodrama about two teenagers (Graham Skipper and Lauren Ashley Carter) born with psychokinetic abilities. Upon learning about this, an evil doctor (John Speredakos) captures them and attempts to harvest their abilities for his own sinister purposes but they later escape and he attempts to pursue them. Visually striking at times and built on a foundation of some interesting ideas but story becomes increasingly gory and unpleasant. Director Joe Begos shows some promise but David Cronenberg and David Lynch did stories like these to excellent effect in the early ’80’s. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “The Amityville Terror” (*1/2 out of four) was a low-rent entry in the endless series of “Amityville” stories but may as well have been called “Paranormal Insidious Sinister Haunting Activity” because it tells the exact same story of a family moving into a haunted house which leads to strange occurrences and murder. Umpteenth entry in this series again begs the question of how many times you can re-tell the exact same story over and over. If you must, re-watch the original 1979 “Amityville Horror” or its 2005 remake with Ryan Reynolds. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “2 Lava 2 Lantula” (* out of four) was an utterly dumb sequel to “Lavalantula” which I don’t think anyone was exactly crying out for. Once again, A-list movie star Colton West (Steve Guttenberg) must save the city and walk off the set off his multimillion dollar blockbuster action when a new breed of lava-flowing tarantulas are unleashed! Cheesy effects combined with bad acting and dumb writing make this really tough going. Numerous pop-cultural references (the main colonel is Col. Nathan Jester, one character is named Zed only to recite the line “Zed’s dead honey”) are especially lame. Movie reunites Guttenberg with his old comedy alum Michael Winslow but they would have been much better setting fire to this script and making “Police Academy 8” instead. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “Bad Moms” (*** out of four) was a winning comedy about three overworked single moms (Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Kathryn Hahn) who become fed up with all their responsibilities and attempt to have an overdue shot of freedom and fun but one mom (Kunis) is brought into a personal and professional battle with the bitchy head of the P.T.A. (Christina Applegate nicely cast). Not all that much plot per se but has enough laughs and high-spirited performances to make it worthwhile, especially for single moms who will appreciate this even more. Kunis in particular is terrific as usual. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “Edge Of Winter” (** out of four) was a spare melodrama about two child brothers who are stranded in the winter wilderness with their estranger father (Joel Kinnaman) and gradually begin to realize how unstable he is and how this endangers all of them. Beautiful photography fails to elevate the blahness and unplesantry of the material. For a much better film about estranged fathers and sons and their personal baggage, go 30 years earlier and watch “At Close Range” with Sean Penn and Christopher Walken instead. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “Suicide Squad” (*** out of four) was an explosive, colorful adaptation of the DC comics series about a secret government agency who recruits imprisoned criminals when the world is threatened by the terroristic power of The Joker (Jared Leto). Full of great visuals and action scenes as you would expect and the script has some unusually sharp and snappy dialogue as well. Will Smith and Margot Robbie are standouts on the team but Leto’s Joker is sadly wasted and underused. More fun than DC comics’ previous entry “Batman vs. Superman” and much more entertaining than critics have been saying Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “Lights Out” (*1/2 out of four) was a tedious horror thriller about a young girl (Teresa Palmer) whose younger brother starts exhibiting bizarre behavioral symptoms which she thinks are tied to evil entities in her house involving their mother (Maria Bello). Many horror fans praised this movie but they must have had other things on their mind. Both Palmer and Bello are good but it’s yet another story about (what else?) a demonically possessed child and a haunted house. Watch this before you put the lights out only if you’re having difficulty with sleeping. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “Arachnicide” (* out of four) was a bottom-of-the-barrel Netflix timewaster about an elite group of U.N. commando operatives who are set on a deadly mission to Albania where they are besieged by a sinister plan of killer spiders. As confusing as it is boring, and feels overlong at even 90 minutes. Watch “Arachnophobia” again instead. Continue reading →
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