October 8, 2016 “Certain Women” (*1/2 out of four) was a muddled and boring melodrama about the intersection of the lives of three women (Kristin Stewart, Laura Dern, Michelle Williams) in small-town America and the effects it has on all of them. Good cast is wasted on a misfired story about relationships, fate, and taking chances in life. Director Kelly Reichardt is obviously inspired by the early works of Robert Altman and Jonathan Demme but her work misses a certain power and fire. Striking cinematography by Christopher Blauvelt is an undeniable standout. Continue reading →
October 8, 2016 “All Through The House” (*1/2 out of four) was a gory, stupid slasher thriller about a serial killer dressed in a Santa Claus outfit who returns to his hometown to punish those who’ve been naughty and not nice and numerous sorority girls who’ve moved into his old home. Strictly for those who couldn’t get enough of “Silent Night, Deadly Night” or “Black Christmas.” Gruesome stuff well worth missing. Yet another horror mess that makes you nostalgic for the ’80’s when these movies were actually fun. Continue reading →
October 8, 2016 “Phantasm V: Ravager” (* out of four) was an incoherent fifth and hopefully final entry in this wearisome series about the continuing adventures of warrior Reggie (Reggie Bannister) who is out to end his vendetta against The Tall Man (Angus Scrimm in his final film appearance). So disjointed and confusing you could watch it backwards and it would probably make just as much sense, but this task is recommended only for die-hard fans of the series. Scrimm is wasted; Bannister is hilariously awful. Easy to see why this mess sat on the shelf and wasn’t completed for years. Only some imaginative visuals keep this from a rockbottom zero. Continue reading →
October 8, 2016 “Happy Birthday” (*1/2 out of four) was a crude, ridiculous comedy that is a birthday present left unwrapped. Two moronic friends embark on a road trip to Mexico for a birthday celebration but after a night of wild partying, they are imprisoned by two hookers who hold them hostage for a ransom. Or so it seems. Mash-up of “The Hangover” and “The Game” is sunk all the way by stupid characters and dumb writing. Steven Tyler from Aerosmith has a bit part as a psychedelic tent leader but he should dream on if he thinks this is going to lead to a side-career for him. Continue reading →
October 8, 2016 “The Magnificent Seven” (*** out of four) was a sturdy and smooth remake of the 1960 Western classic about a town under the deadly control of an evil industrialist (Peter Sarsgaard) who desperately employ the protection of seven outlaws (led by Denzel Washington and Chris Pratt) to defend their town and save their lives. Director Antoine Fuqua’s first Western is no classic but is visually stunning, has a terrific music score by James Horner (in his final film score), and its final showdown will have you on the edge of your seat. Washington is first-rate as usual and Sarsgaard makes a strong villain and carry you through some brief lulls in the middle. Continue reading →
October 8, 2016 “Cafe Society” (*** out of four) was a richly entertaining comedy set in the golden era of Hollywood in the 1930’s in which a naive young man from the Bronx (Jesse Eisenberg) moves to Hollywood to become a star and falls in love with the secretary (Kristen Stewart) of his powerful movie-mogul uncle (Steve Carrell) leading to complications with all of them. Director Woody Allen has been down this road before (“Bullets Over Broadway” comes to mind) but movie is loaded with funny one-liners and good chemistry and camaraderie from its three leads. Eisenberg is much more charismatic and less annoying than usual and Stewart’s usual one-note and one-expression performance is used to good effect here. Continue reading →
October 8, 2016 “The Curse Of Robert The Doll” (*1/2 out of four) was a dreary, derivative sequel to last year’s equally awful “Robert The Doll” that I don’t exactly think anyone was crying out for. This time around, a student (Tiffany Ceri) takes a night shift working at the museum and begins to suspect that Robert is alive and wrecking havoc after hours and she attempts to stop him. Apparently, she never watched “Child’s Play” or even “Annabelle” or she would have been miles ahead of this story. She should instead try and stop writer and director Andrew Jones before he makes a third movie in this horrid series. Continue reading →
October 8, 2016 “Major Deal” (**1/2 out of four) was an occasionally very funny parody of the hip-hop scene in which an amateurish rapper named Mike Massacre (Keraun Harris) is fired from his job and is given an ultimatum by his baby’s mother to get signed by his 30th birthday or give up rap forever! Not enough laughs or storyline to sustain a full-length movie even at 70 minutes but hits the bullseye a few times and Harris is sharp in the lead. Director and writer Kevin Fredericks obviously has a lot of affection for rap and hip-hop but this covers much of the same satirical ground that Chris Rock’s “CB4” and Rusty Cundieff’s “Fear Of A Black Hat” covered two decades earlier and “Pop Star” covered much more sharply a few months ago. Continue reading →
October 8, 2016 “The Windmill” (**1/2 out of four) was an above-average horror thriller about a young Australian girl (Charlotte Beaumont) on the run from her past who ventures to Amsterdam where her bus breaks down in the middle of the wilderness and numerous windmills where various ancient sinister forces arise and all Hell gradually breaks loose. Strong atmosphere and production and Beaumont’s solid lead performance are plusses; unfortunately, the story becomes increasingly hokey and wears out its welcome after a while. Nothing that “The Blair Witch Project” didn’t cover and smother 17 years ago but still better than most horror junk and direct-to-Redbox releases nowadays. Continue reading →
October 8, 2016 “The Neon Demon” (* out of four) was an incomprehensible mess about an aspiring model (Elle Fanning) who moves to L.A. where she is immediately overwhelmed by it’s aura of excess and hedonism and becomes obsessed over by a group of beauty-obsessed women (led by Jena Malone) who will do whatever it takes to obtain her vitality and youth. Or something like that. Yet another exercise in style, gore, and incoherence from director Nicolas Winding Refn (“Only God Forgives”, “Drive”) who continues to confuse weirdness with originality and all-too-obviously copies the works of Stanley Kubrick and David Cronenberg without their resonance or power. Fanning (sister of Dakota) is blank and one-note in the lead. Keanu Reeves shows up for a few jaw-droppingly irrelevant scenes as a hotel manager. Continue reading →
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