Month: November 2016

“Sorority Party Massacre” (*1/2 out of four) was a trashy and dumb horror comedy about a psychotic killer on the loose who happens to find sanctuary at a sorority house where the bodies start piling up, and a local redneck sheriff (Ed O’Ross) and city cop (Thomas Downey) investigate. Not exactly the worst of its kind but not scary enough, gory enough, or frankly- bad enough- to make it entertaining. Horror fans will enjoy seeing fallen ’80’s stars O’Ross and Leslie Easterbrook (and porn star Ron Jeremy!) in supporting roles but this is a reminder again of when these movies were much more fun.

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“Search Engines” (* out of four) was an excruciating romantic comedy about a family (Joely Fisher, Natasha Gregson Wagner, Grace Folsom, Daphne Zuniga and others) who decide to resolve their problems over a long Thanksgiving holiday by turning off and surviving without their cell phones. You’d be much easier turning the movie off instead. Aimless, witless, and charmless movie features annoying characters you can’t wait to get away from. Any episode of “Leave It To Beaver” has more brains and laughs than this. Fallen ’80’s star Zuniga (“Spaceballs”) looks great but she should immediately start “searching” for better scripts.

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“Seed 2” (*1/2 out of four) was a grimy sequel to the 2006 horror show which I don’t think anyone other than freaks, masochists, or the immediate family of Jeffrey Dahmer was waiting for. A young girl (Natalie Scheetz) and her friends are driving back from her bachelorette party in Las Vegas but become stranded in the desert and are stalked to the death by psychopathic killer Max Seed from the original who is resurrected and bloodthirsty. Strictly for the 42nd street grindhouse crowd or those who thought “Saw” was too tame and articulate. The catering budget on “Saw” was probably higher than the whole cost for this low-budget mess.

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“Who Killed Jonbenet?” (** out of four) was a mediocre true story about the infamous murder of a young girl Jonbenet Ramsey (Phoebe Lawrence) in 1998 and the various infrastructures of the local police and the media who focused on the parents’ guilt (Julia Campbell and Lane Edwards) instead of following other leads and solving the crime. Attempt to tell a murder mystery with various finger-pointing at the justice department and the media for serving their own personal agendas instead of finding the truth is watchable but cries out for a sharper and stronger director like David Fincher or Christopher Nolan who might have made this story more galvanizing. Not bad but never as arresting or powerful as it should have been.

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“Vanishing: Left Behind- Next Generation” (*1/2 out of four) was a slapdash post-apocalyptic horror melodrama about a tough 15-year old (Amber Frank) who is thrust in the midst of a worldwide crisis when a billion people suddenly disappear without a trace, forcing her and her friends to fend for survival and quickly develop their adult instincts while enjoying the remainder of their youth. Film attempts to be a zombie horror thriller, a coming-of-age story, and a relationship drama and succeeds at none of these. You have to admire director Larry McLean for trying something different within this genre but the result is lumpy and forgettable. This one should “vanish” from Redbox machines pretty quick.

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“Almost Christmas” (*** out of four) was a winning holiday comedy about a dysfunctional family (Danny Glover, Kimberly Elise, Gabrielle Union, Omar Epps, Mo’Nique, Romany Falco and others) who gather together for the first time since their mother died. First-rate cast led by Glover makes this a fine Christmas present. Smoothly directed and written by David Talbert who balances a large cast with multiple characters and storylines but blends them all together very easily.

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“The Frontier” (** out of four) was a lukewarm crime melodrama about a fugitive from the law (Jocelin Donahue) who drives into the The Frontier, an isolated diner and motel in the middle of the desert, where she soon realizes both the owner (Kelly Lynch) and other patrons are involved in a robbery and various double-crosses. Twisty story maintains interest at the beginning but after a while- you soon realize there’s no reason to care about any of these characters or their plights. Donahue’s strong lead performance helps to keep this afloat and watchable but it still comes up empty.

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“The Hoarder” (**1/2 out of four) was a better-than-average Redbox horror thriller about a young woman (Mischa Barton) and her sarcastic friend who break into an underground storage facility but find themselves trapped and stalked by a mutant killer and the facility’s deranged owner. Good-looking horror movie is well-made and well-acted but starts to get repetitive in its second half and its ending is a letdown. Still, a considerable cut above most direct-to-Redbox junk.

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“Eliminators” (*** out of four) was a slick, stylish action thriller about a former U.S. federal agent (Scott Adkins) who is forced to come out of retirement to save his young daughter when multiple thugs mistakenly break into his home and his daughter is kidnapped and both their lives are threatened. High-octane story features plenty of hand-to-hand combat and explosive action. Adkins doesn’t exactly have Oscar acting ability but he has cool martial arts moves and film lovers will enjoy seeing “Braveheart” actor James Cosmo as the main villain.

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