December 6, 2016 “It Watches” (* out of four) was an unwatchable horror movie about yet another haunted-house and paranormal activity, this one set in Los Angeles where a young man (Ivan Djurovic) is recovering from an accident and agrees to watch over the home of his buddy (Rick Irwin) but he soon realizes he is not alone in this dilapidated and creepy mansion. Umpteenth and unpleasant rip-off of “The Amityville Horror” and “The Shining” is a real bore. Horror fans would best “watch” those classics again instead of wasting your time with this drivel. Continue reading →
December 6, 2016 “Fender Bender” (** out of four) was an illogical horror thriller about a 17-year old (Cassidy Freeman) who just gets her driver’s license and soon gets into a minor accident on the road with another driver (Bill Sage) who turns out to be a serious sicko who begins stalking her and her friends. Violent, by-the-numbers horror show has a few good scares and kills but not much else to make it memorable. Neither the best nor worst of its kind. This was horror director Mark Pavia’s first film since “The Night Flier” in 1997 which makes you wish next time he does more with his 18 years off. Continue reading →
December 6, 2016 “Underworld: Blood Wars” (** out of four) was a visually dazzling but empty fifth entry in the now-wearisome series about the continuing adventures of vampire slayer Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and her battle to end the eternal war between the Lycans and the vampire clan who betrayed her in the past. Strictly by-the-numbers movie is hard to tell from previous entries and is for diehard fans of the series only. Even Beckinsale looks like she’s just going through the motions. Full of striking blue lighting and sumptuous cinematography that has become the series trademark but the story and characters could have used an infusion of fresh blood. Continue reading →
December 6, 2016 “Siren” (*1/2 out of four) was a schlock horror thriller set at a bachelor party in which the groomsmen unleash a fabled predator on the festivities which leads to chaos and a long night of screaming and murder. Inspired by the segment “Amateur Night” from the 2012 horror anthology “V/H/S” and the title is ironic given the movie is strictly amateur night in terms of acting and filmmaking. Inspire yourself to pick up a better horror movie instead. Continue reading →
December 5, 2016 “The Edge Of Seventeen” (** out of four) was a silly coming-of-age drama about an insecure 17-year old (Hailee Steinfeld) and her troubling journey through high-school, especially after finding out her best friend (Haley Lu Richardson) is dating her older brother (Blake Jenner). Steinfeld, who was so good in the remake of “True Grit”, is annoying in the lead role. Film covers much of the same ground that “Thirteen”, “Clueless”, and “Mean Girls” did- and much better. Woody Harrelson is amusing in a minor supporting role as Steinfeld’s sarcastic teacher. Continue reading →
December 5, 2016 “Allied” (***1/2 out of four) was a mesmerizing WWII melodrama about a U.S. intelligence officer (Brad Pitt) who becomes married to a French Resistance fighter (Marion Cotillard) who he meets behind enemy lines; however upon returning home and having a child, he soon comes to suspect she may be a German spy and if so he will have to kill her or be killed himself by his country for treason! Old-fashioned story is high-powered by two terrific performances from Pitt and Cotillard who have electric chemistry together. Leisurely paced but crackles with suspense, wit, and romance in a way that harks back to Hollywood’s Golden Age. First-rate filmmaking from director Robert Zemeckis. Continue reading →
December 4, 2016 “The Crooked Man” (** out of four) was a hokey supernatural thriller all-too-obviously inspired by “The Boogey Man” and “Candyman” about a young girl (Angelique Rivera) whose friends are stalked and murdered by a mysterious figure known as The Crooked Man who only appears in the dark and when a childhood rhyme is uttered. Michael Jai White is wasted as an ominous friend of Rivera who is involved in the creature’s formation. The term crooked more aptly applies to the filmmakers who recycle better movies into derivative claptrap like this. Continue reading →
December 4, 2016 “Blood Brothers” (* out of four) was a rockbottom horror thriller about two brothers (Graham Denman and Jon Kondelik) who believe they have superior intelligence to others and to prove this- they begin a series of gruesome murders to fulfill their fantasies but this ends up tearing them apart. They should have fantasized about a better movie instead. Dreadful directing and acting turns this into an unintentional comedy. No relation whatsoever to the Broadway play with Carole King or the 1993 street melodrama with Clark Johnson but believe me- you may be praying for any and all of them to show up. Continue reading →
December 4, 2016 “The Eyes Of My Mother” (* out of four) was a staggeringly awful horror drama about a young girl (Kika Magalhaes) whose mother is murdered by a visiting stranger at their secluded farmhouse. She then procedes to keep this sicko alive in her barnyard because he becomes “her only friend.” Oh, did I forget to mention that her dad dies and she keeps his body alive as well and that she later kidnaps a child and dismembers the child’s mother? Many critics inexplicably thought highly of this mess but they ought to have their heads examined. Striking black-and-white photography is the only asset to this sick and otherwise worthless film. For no apparent reason, most of the movie is in English but some of it is subtitled. For no apparent reason should you watch this movie either. Continue reading →
December 3, 2016 “Pet” (**1/2 out of four) a tense psychological thriller about a strange and neurotic young guy (Dominic Monaghan) who bumps into an old flame from high school (Ksenia Solo) and gradually becomes obsessed and begins stalking her and then holds her hostage in a cage in his animal shelter but her response to this is far different than what he (and the audience) expects. Extremely well-acted story takes some unexpected twists and is unusually intelligent for this genre but story becomes overly cerebral and unpleasant, especially after she is taken hostage. If the animal shelter set looks at all familiar, it should because it was the same set used for “Saw” which this in many ways resembles. Continue reading →
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