Month: May 2017

“Devil’s Domain” (** out of four) was a trashy exploitation teen melodrama about a high-school girl (Maddi Vodane) who becomes the victim of vicious cyber-bullies at school and subsequently makes a deal with the devil (Linda Bella) to exact revenge on her tormentors. First half is a surprisingly incisive and raw look at the emotional effects of bullying and how it leads the main character to depression and self-mutilation; unfortunately, film’s second half focuses on her deal with the devil and begins to wallow in sleaze and silliness. Moody music score by Jurgen Engler and great character actor Michael Madsen (as her concerned dad) are standouts.

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“Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” (** out of four) was an overstuffed, wearisome fifth entry in the blockbuster series about Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) who is targeted for revenge by the evil Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) and his crew of ghost pirates; his only hope for survival is seeking the Trident Of Poseidon which will grant him control over the oceans. Or something like that. What once seemed so fresh and fun now gives you a sense of deja vu. Even Depp seems to be just going through the motions and giving a greatest-hits of his first four performances as Captain Jack. Some impressive action scenes and special effects to be sure (love those killer sharks!) but it’s more exhausting than exhilirating and a good example of going to the well once too often. Paul McCartney has an amusing cameo as one of Jack’s crew.

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“Breakdown Lane” (** out of four) was a well-made but empty, by-the-numbers horror thriller about a young girl (Whitney Moore) whose car breaks down in the desert and is besieged by the walking dead and militant rednecks and has to fight and overcome both to find her way back home. Directors Bob Schultz and Robert Conway show some promise in their visual style and stagings but unfortunately- the story has little novelty and thus no surprise and no impact. At least it’s brief at only 70 minutes but you should still watch either “Resident Evil” or “The Walking Dead” instead.

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“Secrets Of A Psychopath” (* out of four) was an inept psychological thriller without much psychology or thrills about two bizarre siblings (Mark Farmigletti and Karl Wuhrer) who lure unsuspecting victims to their house through a dating website and then kill them. Nice huh? Disgusting and sick movie is also stupid and boring. A better writer and director might have found ways to satirize online dating and consumerism but this movie isn’t exactly a Match made in heaven

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“The Adventure Club” (*1/2 out of four) was a sloppy kid’s story about a young boy (Sam Ashe Arnold) who discovers an ancient puzzle box and with his friends begins a so-called adventure to find his fortune that will save his family. More excitement may have ensued had they all stayed home and done their homework together instead. Strictly for kids who are extremely undemanding or who have absolutely nothing better to watch. Billy Zane and Kim Coates show up and pick up a couple of bucks in embarrassing supporting roles.

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“Sacrilege” (*1/2 out of four) was a stale horror story about a young college student (Jenn Foreman) who buys a music box at a yard sale which soon leads to strange occurrences at her home and her house subsequently becomes haunted. Oh yes- in case you were wondering, there’s also a possessed child and a religious exorcism. The real sacrilege is that horror filmmakers can’t seem to come up with any new movie ideas. Even at 90 minutes, this feels repetitive and padded. Bolstered by creepy atmosphere but otherwise thoroughly routine.

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“Land Of Smiles” (* out of four) was an ugly, almost unwatchable horror freak show about a young backpacker (Alexandra Turshen) who is lured into the underworld paradise of Thailand to search for her kidnapped best friend but soon finds herself targeted and tortured by a sociopath whose following her. Plenty of sex and gore but plenty of sleaze and unpleasantness to make the “Hostel” movies look subtle by comparison. Even the beautiful Thailand scenery looks cheap and uninviting. Turshen isn’t bad in the lead role but you may want to take a shower when this is over.

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“The Bigfoot Project” (*1/2 out of four) was a stultifying comedy about a group of amateur filmmakers (Nick Armstrong, Andy Goldenberg, Emily O’Brien) who go to the backwoods of Georgia and search for Bigfoot. Unfortunately, their inept filmmaking skills are nothing next to the writer and director of this misfire. Unfunny writing and annoying characters sink this all the way although there are a few chuckles near the beginning. For a much funnier and more entertaining movie about Bigfoot, watch 1987’s “Harry And The Hendersons” instead.

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“Agent” (*1/2 out of four) was an utterly disposable thriller about as blunt and unimaginative as its title; a group of friends (Derek Ting, Marikah Cunningham, Eric Keitel) go to the desert for a gun instruction course and end up (yawn) unleashing an evil force that threatens to rise up and take over the world. Weak mix of action melodrama and zombie horror has a few pretty shots of the desert but takes way too long to get going and mostly fires blanks. Lead actor Ting was also movie’s writer and director but doesn’t do much that George Romero did better nearly 50 years ago in “Night Of The Living Dead.”

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“Essex Vendetta” (** out of four) was a half-hearted underworld melodrama about an ordinary family man (Michael McKell) who attempts to rise above his class and take on all comers in the criminal underworld, no matter how big or large and regardless of the consequences. Working-class English brogue is rhythmic and stylish and holds your interest for a while but soon it becomes tiresome and monotonous, just like the movie itself. Both Guy Ritchie’s “Lock, Stock, And Two Smoking Barrels” and “Snatch” went through the same territory with much more style and flash.

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