August 29, 2017 “Empire Of The Sharks” (*1/2 out of four) was a needless, confusing thriller set in a (yawn) post-apocalyptic future in which 98% of the world is underwater; a villainous warlord (Jonathan Pienaar) who controls an army of bloodthirsty sharks kidnaps the daughter (Thandi Sebe) of a legendary shark caller (Jack Armstrong) leading to things getting really bloody in them thar waters. If you’ve always wanted to see an uninspired cross between “Jaws” and “Waterworld”, then look no further. For the rest of us, the “Empire” strikes out due to by-the-numbers storytelling and characters whom you couldn’t care less if they become shark food. Where is Lorraine Gary nowadays when you need her? Continue reading →
August 29, 2017 “Mississippi River Sharks” (*1/2 out of four) was a silly time-waster about a group of sharks who set their sights and appetites on a local Mississippi fair in which a television actor (a bewildered Jeremy London) and local news crew are attending. It’s pretty depressing that “Jaws” was 40+ years ago and featured more scares and style (and better acting) than these onslaught of recent shark movies. London is blank as usual and probably would have fared veteran taking part in another round of “Celebrity Rehab.” Continue reading →
August 29, 2017 “The Recall” (*1/2 out of four) was a lackluster apocalyptic thriller starring a laughably stoic Wesley Snipes as a homeless bum who is naturally a former government agent who rushes to the aid of five college brats who are on a vacation in the wilderness when aliens descend and the world is threatened! Good-looking movie is alternately dumb and boring. It’s clunkers like these that eventually led to Snipes’ fame being recalled. Continue reading →
August 29, 2017 “The Tank” (** out of four) was an obvious, empty sci/fi thriller that will likely go right into the tank set in 2012 about 6 science workers (Marguerite Moreau, Brad William Henke, Jack Davenport and others) who go aboard a tank on an attempted mission to Mars. Story is told in flashbacks as everyone’s favorite bad guy (Christopher McDonald) is testifying at a congressional hearing about why the mission was a failure. Well-made and well-acted but it’s a lot of noisy running around and arguing over nothing. “Das Boot” remains the all-time classic about war on a submarine or tank and ages better every year. Continue reading →
August 28, 2017 “Scales: Mermaids Are Real” (*1/2 out of four) was a saccharine, silly story for young girls about a 12-year old (Emmy Perry) who finds out she is a mermaid and has to re-adjust to her new identity with her mom and then subsequently finds that there are a group of hunters in the town who hunt mermaids and want to kill her! Almost laughable at times, with a climax on the beach between the hunters and the mermaids that almost has to be seen to be believed. Strictly for undemanding young teenagers or those who couldn’t get enough of the Cher/Winona Ryder 1990 comedy “Mermaids.” Continue reading →
August 27, 2017 “Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets” (*** out of four) was a visually spectacular extravaganza set in the outer galaxy metropolis of Alpha in which two special operatives (Dane Dehaan and Cara Delevigne) are sent out to find out and uncover a dark force that threatens Alpha and the rest of the universe but find treachery and adventure at every turn. Director Luc Besson fills this to the brim with visual effects and never stops giving you something to look at and also never stops the story from moving. Too long at nearly two-and-a-half hours but never fails to be entertaining. Dehaan is solid in the lead role and is ably supported by a solid supporting cast including Clive Owen and Rihanna. Continue reading →
August 27, 2017 “The Domicile” (*1/2 out of four) was a dismal horror thriller about a loutish playwright (Steve Richard Harris) who is desperate to finish a new play and revitalize his career when he finds himself besieged by a mental breakdown from the spirit of his dead wife and his daughter who has become a possessed and raving lunatic. Since his character is never likeable to begin with, it’s hard to care about or get involved in the proceedings. Extremely low-budget thriller is also low on scares and thrills and even lower on originality. Continue reading →
August 27, 2017 “Ghost House” (*1/2 out of four) was an umpteenth horror story about both ghosts and a haunted house about a young couple (Scout-Taylor Compton and James Landry Hebert) who go off on a vacation in Thailand but are soon haunted by (yawn) a malevolent spirit after they disrespect a ghost house. Plenty of loud noises, exorcisms, and religious discussions to make sure the filmmakers don’t leave anything out. Yet another horror movie haunted by the ghosts of “The Shining”, “The Exorcist”, and numerous other (better) movies. Only some pretty shots of Thailand give this any distinction whatsoever. Continue reading →
August 26, 2017August 26, 2017 “Pussy Kills” (* out of four) was an inept death-wish revenge thriller as sleazy and stupid as its title suggests about a young woman (Lina Maya) who is kidnapped, raped, and left for dead by a group of young thugs. She then comes back as a vigilante dressed as (yes) a pussy-cat intent on killing them and restoring justice. Strictly for those who thought “I Spit On Your Grave” or “Last House On The Left” were understated masterworks of cinema. Even the revenge scenes are poorly staged and dumb. Low-budget and low-brain thriller has almost nothing to recommend it, even for fans of sex and gore. Continue reading →
August 25, 2017 “Death Note” (** out of four) was a strenuously weird and uneven Netflix adaptation of a manga novel about a high-school student (Lakeith Stanfield) who stumbles across a mystical notebook that has the power to kill anyone whose names he writes in it; upon realizing its powers, he then sets upon a personal mission to rid the city of crime but this leads to him being targeted by the police and the criminal underworld. Odd mix of high-school melodrama, vigilante crime thriller, and criminal underworld story works best in its second half but takes too long to get going and too long to get where it’s going. And speaking of odd- check out Willem Dafoe who plays a goblin assistant to the kid named Ryuk! Stylish touches by director Adam Wingard and lively soundtrack helps. Continue reading →
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