August 12, 2017 “Max Payne: Retribution” (* out of four) was an abysmal retelling of the popular video game about the title character (Joan James Muixi) who is attempting to block out the painful memories of his past but he is unexpectedly confronted by a former love interest (Gracie Tyrell) who provides vital information that can bring down a ruthless drug lord (Leroy Kincaide) which holds the secrets to Max’s pain and personal survival. Incoherent staging and storytelling will require a lot of pain and personal survival from the audience, even at only about 45 minutes. Given that the 2008 version starred Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis and was just as payneful, perhaps the filmmakers should say game over with this character and move onto something else. Continue reading →
August 10, 2017 “Psychos” (* out of four) was an unbearable horror thriller about three young women (Angelica Chitwood, Melissa Elena Jones, Denielle Cloutier) who return 10 years after a brutal attack for revenge against a sadistic female predator and a nightmarish ordeal they endured when they were younger. However, their ordeal is nothing compared to what the audience has to go through given the terrible acting and storytelling. Ugly, to say the least, and offers little to horror fans or anyone who hasn’t seen “I Spit On Your Grave” or “Mother’s Day.” Continue reading →
August 9, 2017 “Cut Shoot Kill” (*1/2 out of four) was a boring horror thriller about a B-movie actress (Alexandra Socha) who signs on to star in a new horror movie with a crew of aspiring filmmakers who wouldn’t look out of place in “Deliverance”. When the cast starts disappearing from a real murderer who invades the set, she finds she has to become the character she is playing in order to survive. Potentially interesting psychodrama about the blurred lines between film and reality and the psychological effects that actors endure from their onscreen characters is undone by molasses pacing. Wes Craven and Nick Cassavetes tried this same type of story decades ago and it didn’t work out so great for them either, so don’t blame writer/director Michael Walker too much. Ray Flynn’s moody cinematography provides film’s only merits. Continue reading →
August 9, 2017 “Undercover Grandpa” (** out of four) was a contrived comedy about a high-school kid (Dylan Everett) whose girlfriend (Greta Onieogou) suddenly goes missing. Fortunately for him, his grandpa (James Caan) who he is looking after for the evening turns out to be a former C.I.A. badass who enlists his old WWII cronies (Paul Sorvino, Louis Gossett Jr, Kenneth Welsh) for help in tracking her down and kicking one last round of ass. Caan is good in a tailor-made role and it’s nice to see him and the other elderly boys having fun but this dumb and diluted movie doesn’t know what to do with them. Had they waited another few years, this could have been called “The Expendables 4”. Continue reading →
August 9, 2017 “The Student” (** out of four) was a predictable thriller about a law-school teacher (Alicia Leigh Willis) who begins teaching a new class with a student (Blake Michael who looks like a Eurotrash Robert Pattinson) whose overambitious and cunning and will stop at nothing to get an A; when she fails him for academic dishonesty, she starts realizing he’s a serious sicko who begins to turn her life upside down. Both Willis and Michael are good but anyone whose ever seen a thriller will be miles ahead of this silly story. This deserves a C for mediocrity. Continue reading →
August 8, 2017 “Filth City” (*1/2 out of four) was a sleazy melodrama as one might expect from its title about a mayor (Pat Thornton) running for re-election of a large metropolis who is caught on video smoking crack and will do whatever it takes from this video falling into the wrong hands which results in warring factions between the police and various criminal underground figures. Supposedly based on a true story but you’d be hard-pressed to find either politicians or criminals this dumb in real life. Thornton is cartoonish in the main role and most other characters are unlikeable. Watch “Sin City” again instead. Continue reading →
August 8, 2017 “Mommy’s Secret” (** out of four) was a tepid crime drama about a teenage girl (Stephi Chin-Salvo) who suddenly realizes that her sincere and dedicated mom (Charisma Carpenter) is behind the recent rash of bank robberies in their town and is working for the main local crime boss! Potentially juicy story for a teenage melodrama, a criminal underworld thriller, a police procedural story, or the double life of a seemingly perfect suburban mom is too mild and never takes off and thus never succeeds at any of them. You can only imagine what a director like Christopher Nolan or Ron Howard might have done with material like this but as such- it never catches fire. Continue reading →
August 8, 2017 “Abducted Love” (*1/2 out of four) was a thoroughly stale mystery about a woman (Daphne Zuniga) and her young daughter (Nicole Munoz) who assist the police when her shady husband (Aaron Pearl) goes missing. Completely bereft of any sparks or thrills and story doesn’t have very many surprises and leads pretty much where you expect it to go. Zuniga seems to be aging very well in the three decades since “The Sure Thing” but she surely needs to start picking some better scripts. Continue reading →
August 7, 2017 “WTF” (* out of four) was a D.U.D. about a girl (Callie Ott) who survived a horrific massacre that killed nearly all of her friends; three years later, her and her annoying new friends (and bad actors) go to a secluded house in the woods for a weekend of debauchery when (to the surprise of no one) the killings start up again. But believe me- you’ll most likely be rooting for the murderer to put all of them out of their misery. It’s inept movies like these that make you realize how underrated and well-acted the “Friday The 13th” movies were in the first place. WTF has happened to horror movies since then? Continue reading →
August 7, 2017 “The Emoji Movie” (*** out of four) was a pretty cute animated comedy about a young emoji named Gene (voiced by T.J. Miller) who sets out on an incredible journey to become a “normal” emoji but encounters plenty of unexpected turn of events along the way. Lots of colorful animation and some witty dialogue make this fun for both adults and their kids. Story is thin but it moves so fast and is packed with so much action and upbeat music that it easily rates a :) Continue reading →
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