October 7, 2018 “Valentine Dayz” (* out of four) was an incoherent mess that will only likely make viewers dazed and confused with its awfulness. A mild-mannered middle aged man (Dallas Valdez) and a girl (Carrie Keagan) meet in Florida but their blossoming romance is cut short by a zombie outbreak that threatens their romance and later (yawn) threatens mankind. One could watch this dreck from end to beginning and it would likely still make as much as sense since it changes styles and moods (and plot) with almost every scene. Valdez and Keagan’s sincere performances are helpless with this material. This is a Valentine’s present made with lead. Continue reading →
October 6, 2018 “The Legend Of Halloween Jack” (* out of four) was a nearly worthless horror show that won’t develop much of a legend of its own; on Halloween eve, a serial killer (Lee Bane) who looks like a thrift-shop scarecrow returns from the dead to seek retribution from the vigilantes (led by Colin Holt) who killed him one year earlier. More scares may have ensued had he gone to Walmart instead. This scareless bore makes any of the maligned “Halloween” sequels look like masterpieces by comparison. Holt’s fine and intense performance is film’s sole asset. Continue reading →
October 6, 2018 “Bayou Caviar” (*1/2 out of four) was a sour action melodrama about a Russian gangster (Richard Dreyfuss in a token appearance) who utilizes an over-the-hill former boxer (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) to take down his associate’s son-in-law after a violent sex tape is made by a photographer (Famke Jannsen). Film can’t make up its mind whether it’s a sleazy underworld thriller, a punch-drunk boxing movie, or a numbing action story and thus fails at all of them. Gooding, Jr.’s directorial debut is sunk by its unfocused story and waste of a fine supporting cast. Let’s be nice and just say this probably isn’t going to show him the money Continue reading →
October 6, 2018 “Pledges” (*1/2 out of four) was a godly awful horror show about six none-too-bright college students (Arthur Davis, Tim Drier, Natassia Halabi, and others) who take part in a hazing ritual and are tied up and blindfolded in the middle of the woods where they are killed off one-by-one by an evil spirit and force who probably watched one too many showings of “The Blair Witch Project”. Result is so by-the-numbers and routine that you almost expect numbers to be coming out at the screen at you but not such luck. A few gory kills and special effects are all this time-waster has to recommend it. Continue reading →
October 5, 2018 “Smallfoot” (** out of four) was a trifling animated children’s story about a group called Yetis who live in the mountains and away and above the clouds and one such Yeti (voiced by Channing Tatum) who begins to believe that humans actually exist and embarks on an adventure to find civilization and find the truth but this stirs up some resistance from others who don’t want to be assimilated with the rest of society. Some of the animation is striking and spectacular but film is limited because its script, story, and songs are all so forgettable. Kids may like it anyway but they might as well watch “The Ice Age” or “The Smurfs” instead. Continue reading →
October 5, 2018 “Betrayed” (*1/2 out of four) was a lurid psychodrama about a corrupt mayor (John Savage) who attempts to have increasing control over his city by opening the doors to the Russian mob but soon realizes they cannot be controlled and subsequently opens up the doors for various cartels but the Russians subsequently kidnap his daughter (Kaiti Wallen) which leads to all-out war. Promising beginning soon drops off, as film becomes increasingly ugly and unpleasant and thus uninvolving. Savage is cool and charismatic in the lead but his efforts are unfortunately betrayed by story contrivances and violence. Continue reading →
October 5, 2018 “Exposure” (*1/2 out of four) was a dismal horror thriller that will likely receive as little exposure as possible about a couple (Lynn Lowry and Carmen Anello) trying to reconcile their relationship who go on a vacation to a cabin in the mountains which is (what else) haunted by an ancient evil that makes them both turn against one another. Hard to believe that another movie rips off “The Amityville Horror” (and also “The Shining”) the same week one of its umpteen sequels comes out but seeing is unfortunately believing. Very low-budget and also very low on scares or intelligence. Continue reading →
October 4, 2018 “The Amityville Murders” (** out of four) was the umpteenth “Amityville” movie, this one set in 1974 in which another innocent family (John Robinson, Chelsea Ricketts, and Paul Ben-Victor) move into the famous house and go berserk and naturally all hell breaks loose. Neither the best nor worst “Amityville” movie and reasonably well-directed but you’ve seen it all before and done better, especially since this series began 40 years ago! “Amityville” addicts will note the casting of Burt Young and Diane Franklin in small roles and they both played father and daughter in “Amityville 2: The Possession.” Continue reading →
October 4, 2018 “Strange Nature” (*1/2 out of four) was a congenitally derivative sci/fi thriller about a single mother (Lisa Sheridan) who moves with her young son to a small town where she discovers that deformed frogs in a nearby pond are mutating into murderous creatures that threaten the whole community. Pointless and dull story takes far too long to get going and doesn’t provide enough thrills or scares. Stephen Tobolowsky is amusing as the town’s clueless mayor. Watch “Tremors” or any one of the “Piranhha” movies again instead. Continue reading →
October 3, 2018 “Cynthia” (**1/2 out of four) was a sporadically amusing horror comedy about a suburban couple (Scout Taylor-Compton and Kyle Jones) and their increasingly desperate attempts to have a child which results in a monstrous abnormality. Starts to wear out towards the end and loses its way but until then provides enough off-the-wall humor and scares to keep things lively and entertaining. Cult actors Sid Haig and Robert LaSardo seem to be having fun in their best roles in years. Obviously inspired by “Rosemary’s Baby” and “Alien” but seems more directly inspired by Rob Zombie. Continue reading →
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