October 5, 2019 “How To Get Rid Of A Body (And Still Be Friends)” (*1/2 out of four) was an utterly stupid and contrived comedy about three female best friends (Kristin Dattilo, Nicole Burch, and Kristen Lynn) who reunite for a weekend getaway but plans hit a detour when they accidentally kill a pizza deliveryman and they have to scurry to get rid of the body and cover things up. Humorous title provides the only real laugh in this almost complete fiasco. They should have gotten rid of the script and director instead. Filmed partially in Canaindagua, NY but upstate NY deserves far better than this. Continue reading →
October 5, 2019 “Nighthawks” (* out of four) was a disastrous “comedy” about two yuppies (Chase Crawford and Kevin Zegers) who venture into the NYC nightlife and are taken in by nighthawks which are an elite group of millenials who harbor dark secrets about the NY party scene. Opening scenes have some sharp dialogue but all is downhill after that, as movie meanders into numerous different directions and goes nowhere slowly. No relation to the 1981 Sylvester Stallone action movie of the same name but you may wish he’d show up and kick ass Continue reading →
October 5, 2019 “Santa Fake” (*1/2 out of four) was a treacly comedy drama about a young man (Damian McGinty) who immigrates from Ireland to America and soon finds himself possibly getting the job as the helper for Santa Claus in Santa Fe, New Mexico (get the title now?). Slapdash story tries to mix unfunny comedy with dismal attempts at Irish classic songs and underworld adventure into a holiday package well-worth rejecting. Jeff Fahey and Judd Nelson seem to have wandered in from a completely different movie and are wasted as moronic thugs. Continue reading →
October 5, 2019 “President Evil” (*1/2 out of four) was an insultingly derivative horror melodrama about three high-school girls (Sitara Attaie, Amber Boone, and Naomi Franck) who are stalked and pursued during election months by a nutjob dressed as (you guessed it) President Trump. Film rips off the original “Halloween” so much (right down to the music score) that the scariest thing about the movie is John Carpenter hasn’t followed up with a lawsuit! Cleverly titled but otherwise a real time-waster. Hilary and Bernie supporters are the only ones who might find some more merit here. Continue reading →
October 5, 2019 “Gemini Man” (*** out of four) was a perceptive thriller in which an over-the-hill hitman (Will Smith) on the verge of retirement means a femme-fatale (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) which leads him back to underworld intrigue and he soon finds he has to square-off against a younger assassin version of himself (!) which was sent to kill by the top brass and factions (led by Clive Owen) of the C.I.A. Impressively done C.G.I. and visual effects authentically shows Smith acting and fighting against his younger self which looks exactly as he did almost 20 years ago! Underneath these eye-catch effects, however, film’s plotting is relatively conventional and ordinary with the expected twists and turns. Not the great film it could have been but still fast-moving and entertaining. Continue reading →
October 4, 2019 “3 From Hell” (* out of four) was a mind-numbingly stupid and ugly horror show about the continuing adventures of Baby Firefly (Sherri Moon Zombie), Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig), Otis Firefly (Bill Moseley) and other swell folks as they are captured by authorities and escape and resume their less-than-enthralling killing odyssey. Third in the series is yet another of Rob Zombie’s exercises and excesses in white-trash redneck nihilism as he regurgitates all of his horror movie influences from the 70’s. Moon Zombie is particularly annoying and off-putting here; Moseley actually looks like a cross between Rob Zombie and Charles Manson and makes this even more of an unwatchable freak show. Sadly, Haig died just 5 days after this film’s release. Continue reading →
October 3, 2019 “The Young Cannibals” (** out of four) was a pointless horror thriller about seven friends (Megan Purvis, Samuel Freeman, Hannah Louise Howell, and others) who inadvertently summon a monster when they eat hamburgers that are made of human flesh and they soon find themselves fighting for their lives! Beautifully photographed and unusually well-made horror movie unfortunately is done in by its own ridiculous story and final third really starts to drag. Moody electronic music score by Gabe Castro is a definite plus. Continue reading →
October 2, 2019 “Once Upon A Time In Deadwood” (** out of four) was a logy Western about an elderly gunslinger (Robert Bronzi) who is fed a slow-acting poison by a woman (Lauren Compton) desperate to have him rescue her sister from a gang of hoodlums (led by Michael Pare) or else he won’t get the antidote that will save his life and things start to get really ugly in the old West. Plenty of saloons, shootouts, and standoffs in this familiar trail through Western territory. Bronzi’s absolutely eerie resemblance to Charles Bronson makes this worth looking at for at least a few minutes but Pare is wasted as the main villain. Continue reading →
October 2, 2019 “Jarhead: Law Of Return” (**1/2 out of four) was a mildly engrossing action melodrama about a fighter pilot (Devon Sawa) for the Israeli Defense Forces and son of a U.S. senator (Robert Patrick) who is shot down behind enemy lines and a squad of top-ranked soldiers must risk their lives to get him back. Fourth entry in this series is well-directed by action veteran Don Michael Paul who knows how to stage and shoot action scenes but story and script gradually feel hollow after a while. Still, though, you have to give this ongoing series credit because all of its entries are better than the original. Continue reading →
October 1, 2019 “Killer Sofa” (*1/2 out of four) was a ridiculous horror show set in New Zealand about a killer reclining chair (!) who becomes enraged and enchanted by his new owner (Harley Neville) and starts committing crimes of passion while two cops (Jed Brophy and Stacey King) investigate and try to find out what’s really going on. For anyone looking for original and high-concept horror ideas, the buck stops cold right here! Brophy is a literal dead-ringer for original AC/DC singer Bon Scott but rest of the cast is pretty forgettable. Continue reading →
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