April 7, 2020 “Dead By Dawn” (*1/2 out of four) was a pretty dismal melodrama about a suicidal man (Kelcey Watson) in a remote cabin in the woods who gets a chance for personal and emotional redemption when he has to protect a runaway girl (Drew Lindsey Mitchell) from three attackers and tries to turn the tables on them. Promising opening soon leads nowhere, as film soon becomes sloppy and stupid. Cast of decent actors are let down by weak material and some terrible dialogue. Film doesn’t end so much as stop and final scene has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie. Watch “Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn” instead. Continue reading →
April 7, 2020 “Skullz” (**1/2 out of four) was an engagingly done sci/fi children’s comedy about a group of kids (Tim Farraday, Logan Blandford, Reid Hillwood, and others) on a school trip at the local museum when one of them starts having a strange connection to a skull artifact which enacts a curse allowing all hell to break loose. Director Deanne Dewey tells this story with a fast pace and a nicely twisted sense of screwball humor but cannot sustain its spell entirely to the end. Still, though an overall nice try and an entertaining family watch. For anyone who was wondering this has no relation to the horror movie “The Skulls” from the early 2000’s. Continue reading →
April 6, 2020 “Final Kill” (*1/2 out of four) was a numbskull action melodrama about an aging protection specialist (Ed Morrone) who is ordered by his boss (Billy Zane) to go on one final job before retirement protecting a couple who stole millions from a ruthless crime family but naturally the job is much more complicated than he imagined. Pretty routine and basic story is full of cliches and is severely handicapped by Morrone’s unlikeable and unpleasant character. Danny Trejo picks up a couple of bucks in a token role as (what else?) a hired killer and Dr. Drew Pinsky has an amusing cameo in the opening scene. Continue reading →
April 6, 2020 “Aquaslash” (** out of four) was a pointless horror thriller about a group of high-school partiers (Brittany Drisdelle, Paul Zinno, Samatha Hodhod, and others) who have their graduation bash at a water amusement park but someone has murder on their agenda and sets out to systematically kill them off using the rides as a weapon. Professionally directed and acted but takes too long to get going and then wraps up pretty quickly. One scene involving blades on one of the water rides provides the only real thrills in the movie. Continue reading →
April 4, 2020 “Garden Party Massacre” (0 stars out of four) was an absolutely worthless horror movie that looked like someone’s bad home movies about a gathering of friends (Andy Gates, Nichole Bagby, David Leeper, and others) at a garden party that is suddenly disrupted when an uninvited guest shows up and starts massacring everybody. Dreadful acting and filmmaking, however, turn this into an even more terrifying massacre for the audience. Even at only an hour and 10 minutes, this is still a brutal watch. Film’s title vocals are by Peter Stormare (from “Fargo”), of all people, but he may have been better off doing more Volkswagen commercials instead. Continue reading →
April 4, 2020 “Detroit Driller Killer” (* out of four) was a bottom-of-the-barrel yuckfest about a struggling screenwriter (Chris Heikka) who slowly descends into insanity by the noise and violence in decaying Detroit and starts prowling on the loose and killing anyone and everyone who gets on his nerves with an electric power-drill! Ugly and unpleasant movie doesn’t even offer any cheap thrills or scares and just manages to be gory and disgusting. Director/writer/co-producer/and co-star Matt Jaissle bears almost all the blame for this mess which is an alleged reimagining of Abel Ferrara’s 1979 “The Driller Killer.” Continue reading →
April 4, 2020 “Clover” (*1/2 out of four) was an unlucky melodrama about two none-too-bright Irish brothers (Mark Webber and Jon Abrahams) who find themselves in hot water when they both owe money to the same short-tempered mafia boss (Chazz Palminteri) and are subsequently pursued by two female assassins (Erika Christensen and Julia Jones) and have to attempt to re-obtain the money to pay back and stay alive. Misguided mix of violent underworld melodrama and black comedy runs on empty after a while. Palminteri adds some style as always and more-or-less seems to be playing Sonny again from “A Bronx Tale” but there’s no Robert De Niro in sight here. Continue reading →
April 3, 2020 “Impractical Jokers: The Movie” (* out of four) was a witless adaptation of the cult television series about the joker crew (Brian Quinn, Joe Gatto, James Murray, and more) who embark on the road and engage in a series of hidden-camera and reality television challenges to redeem some of them who were humiliated by an event all the way back in 1992. True to its title, there is plenty of impractical jokes and dumb-and-dumber comedy except for one problem: it’s not at all funny. After a while, the characters all become boorish and annoying. For die-hard fans of the series only. Continue reading →
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