July 30, 2020 “Heartbeat” (*1/2 out of four) was a ridiculous exploitation thriller about a news reporter (Nicole D’Angelo) who finds her life in danger when a news story she publishes results in several murders of people around her and she finds that the killer may be targeting her next. What sounds like (and should have been) a crackerjack and tense thriller is completely undone by slipshod production with dumb dialogue and some terrible acting. No one should be too surprised by film’s ending but you’ll likely be glad it’s over by then. D’Angelo also co-wrote the script. Continue reading →
July 30, 2020 “Confinement” (0 out of four) was an excruciating drama set entirely on a computer-conference call in which a daughter (Nicole Abisinio), her retired cop father (Tony Senzamici), her stepmom (Mary Rachel Quinn), and an unknown prowler (Josue Gutierrez) all talk about the current pandemic and their current and past relationship wounds which they attempt to unravel. One of the first movies set during and in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic is shrill and stupid and feels like one endless therapy session. Even at only 45 minutes, this is nearly unendurable and feels like being locked in solitary confinement. Avoid like the plague. Continue reading →
July 30, 2020 “The Dalton Gang” (*1/2 out of four) was a threadbare Western about the title Dalton brothers (Jerry Gresser, Russell Dobson, and Alan Cope II) who try to avenge the death of their other brother (Ryan Swank) by getting involved in law enforcement but when they get suddenly cheated by the law they turn to robbery and any other crime they can think of to attempt to get even and settle the score and make names for themselves. Lackluster movie goes down the same standard trail of most Westerns but is really eclipsed by shoddy production values. Gunfights and saloon standoffs that look as if they were shot in someone’s backyard just ain’t all that convincing. Watch “Lonesome Dove” re-runs instead. Continue reading →
July 30, 2020 “Clownery” (** out of four) was a tired horror thriller about a young girl (Kateryna Korchynska) who suffers a terrible trauma on her birthday; years later, one of her friends (Serena P. Palmisano) tries to surprise her with a surprise birthday party and is unaware of the horrific memories and trauma this awakens in her especially when a killer clown erupts out of the shadows to terrify them all. Far from the worst of its low-rent ilk, as film does try to cover issues with PTSD and anxiety and features an unusual level of character development, but still- there’s just not much that’s scary or original anymore about a movie involving a murderous clown. Continue reading →
July 30, 2020 “Eden Burning” (* out of four) was a noxious melodrama about a recently released drug dealer (Daniel York) who sets out on a one-man vendetta of revenge against the government and its harsh penalties on drug dealers by seeking out the governor’s own daughter (Briona Price) and corrupting her and her friends by selling them tainted drugs. Sounds promising and even potentially funny but is worthless on almost every level. Loaded with unpleasant characters and dialogue and made even more unbearable by in-your-face direction and cheap production which makes this a total waste. Continue reading →
July 29, 2020 “Shark Season” (*1/2 out of four) was a limp horror thriller about two girls (Paige McGarvin and Juliana DeStefano) who go out for a day of kayaking on a remote island when they are suddenly stranded and besieged by (what else) a killer great white shark which soon attracts multiple other sharks to the water and one of them has to call on their ex-military dad (Michael Madsen) to come and rescue them. Yet another in the endless parade of killer-shark movies but offers literally nothing you haven’t seen done before and done better. Madsen sleepwalks his way through another paycheck role; McGarvin’s strong and soulful performance is film’s one merit. Continue reading →
July 28, 2020 “Deep Blue Sea 3” (** out of four) was a shallow horror thriller about a marine biologist (Tania Raymonde) and her crew of scientists who are doing research on a remote island when her ex-boyfriend (Nathaniel Buzolic) and his rogue team show up attempting to capture three sharks on the loose who turn out to be bloodthirsty and savage and before anyone can say “Jaws” they all find there is blood in the waters. Third in an unexceptional series that began all the way back in 1999 isn’t bad and has a few minor scares and shark attack sequences but not enough to make it stand out from the rest of the pack and it’s pretty forgettable. By this point, there have been far too many killer-shark movies and they no longer have the same teeth they once did. Continue reading →
July 28, 2020 “Tribal Get Out Alive” (** out of four) was a highly uneven action thriller about former elite miltary personnel (Zara Phythian and Ross O’Hennessy) who are hired by a sinister millionaire (Thomas Dodd) to secure and stabilize the land and property he has inherited but when many on their security team begin disappearing they begin to realize they are being stalked and hunted by otherworldly creatures. Film begins promisingly, with good repartee between the leads and some surprisingly strong dialogue, but soon regresses to weary predictability. Occasional jolts and Ste Webster’s colorful cinematography help keep it watchable. Screenplay is credited to Johnny Walker. Continue reading →
July 27, 2020 “Some Adult Content” (* out of four) was a misfired comedy about a series of clueless filmmakers (Beatrice Alexandra Allen, Lynn Austin, Dan Bottomley, and others) who are making a low-budget porn film which keeps getting encumbered by various financial and logistical obstacles. Dreadful movie is rife with comic possibilities but falls flat at every turn and soon starts running on empty. In dire need of some adult filmmaking and a stronger and sharper script. For a more satiric but epic look at the porn industry and its filmmaking, watch 1997’s “Boogie Nights.” Continue reading →
July 27, 2020 “Psycho Yoga Instructor” (** out of four) was a stale suspense thriller about a woman (Ashley Wood) stuck in a rocky marriage with her workaholic husband (Brady Smith) who meets a mysterious and charismatic yoga instructor (Panos Vlahos) who turns out to be a violent sociopath who develops a dangerous obsession with her. Guess what happens next. Umpteenth gloss on “Fatal Attraction” has predictable plot twists and virtually no surprises although the decent acting and attractive lighting make it watchable. Film’s ending leaves the door open for a sequel that you somehow doubt will ever happen. Continue reading →
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