March 31, 2021 “Slashorette Party” (*1/2 out of four) was a crudely done timewaster about a young woman (Molly Souza) being taken by her friends (Brooke Morris, Shalene Prasad, and others) to (ho-hum) a cabin in the woods when an uninvited guest happens onto the cabin and ends up slaughtering them one by one. Former adult film star Ginger Lynn plays a psychiatrist here but that’s about all there is for novelty value; film is cluttered with horror cliches and most of the characters are annoying and unlikeable. Slash this one from your list and re-watch “Friday The 13th” or “Halloween” instead. Continue reading →
March 30, 2021 “Bram Stoker’s Van Helsing” (* out of four) was an insufferably dull adaptation of the classic novel about the legendary vampire-slayer (Mark Topping) who is called back to action by Dr. John Seward (Joe Street) when a woman (Charlie Bond) dies of a mysterious illness and people think that evil may be back on the prowl. Perhaps it’s time by now that Hollywood allowed this story to rest in peace; even the 2004 version with Hugh Jackman was a total yawner and this one is even more stuffy and inert. Pretty anemic, as vampire movies go. Continue reading →
March 30, 2021 “Nest Of Vampires” (*1/2 out of four) was a trashy potboiler about a rogue MI5 agent (Tom Fairfoot) who travels to the underworld of England to find the people who killed his wife and kidnapped his daughter and subsequently uncovers a ruthless vampire cult (led by Chris Sanders) who are embroiled in child sex-trafficking and Satanic cult worship. Unpleasant mix of the slick and the sordid runs out of steam pretty quickly. Fairfoot’s strong performance is about all that holds this together. Sanders also wrote and directed. Continue reading →
March 27, 2021 “Slaxx” (*1/2 out of four) was a dumb-and-dumber horror comedy about (get this) a possessed pair of killer jeans who start to systematically kill the staff of a trendy clothing store; it is then up to a feisty young salesclerk (Romane Denis) to stop its bloody rampage before it’s too late. Thin material in the vein of “Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes” lacks scares, laughs, and (most of all) conviction. Even at only an hour-and-17-minutes, film itself is pretty “slack” and weak. Continue reading →
March 27, 2021 “The Canyonlands” (*1/2 out of four) was an utterly rote horror show about five friends (Stephanie Barkley, Marqus Bobesich, Lauren Capkanis, and others) who win a rafting trip in Utah but stop for camping in the woods where they (to the surprise of no one) are besieged by a mutant hillbilly redneck killer. Joyless amalgam of cliches from “Friday The 13th”, “Sleepaway Camp”, “The Cabin In The Woods”, and too many other movies to think of. This has little to recommend it, even for fans of horror and gore. Dispiriting to anyone who remembers when these movies were actually fun. Continue reading →
March 27, 2021 “The Toll” (** out of four) was a leaden horror thriller about a woman (Jordan Hayes) and her Uber driver (Max Topplin) who try to make it to their destination but gradually come to realize they are being haunted by a supernatural threat which makes them grow closer together but threatens their lives. You keep thinking something substantial or significant is going to happen but nothing ever does so film fizzles out. Both Hayes and Topplin do what they can with paper-thin roles. Don’t bother paying the “toll” for this one. Continue reading →
March 27, 2021 “The Banishing” (*1/2 out of four) was a boring horror melodrama set in 1930’s England in which a young reverend (John Heffernan) and his wife and daughter (Jessica Brown Findlay and Anya McKenna-Bruce) move into a mansion that turns out to be haunted although it takes them an awfully long time to figure that out. Umpteenth haunted-house movie is stuffy and blah and goes nowhere for nearly two hours. Yet another shoddy imitation of “The Shining” which is a shining example of why that movie is a classic. Watch “The Vanishing” instead. Continue reading →
March 27, 2021 “Wildcat” (** out of four) was an overly mellow and mild melodrama about a feisty reporter (Georgina Campbell) who is stationed in the Middle East who is taken captive and confronted with the traumas of her past and has to find a way to outsmart the militants who have captured her and find a way to mentally and psychologically survive. Intriguing subject matter is given less-than-compelling treatment and never shifts into high gear; Campbell does what she can with a thin role and all other characters and performances are one-note at best. For a much more fervent and passionate look at the same story, watch Jim Sheridan’s “In The Name Of The Father” instead. Continue reading →
March 27, 2021 “The Widow” (** out of four) was a tepid found-footage horror thriller set in 2017 in St. Petersburg in which a team of volunteers (Vikototoviya Potemina, Anastasiya Gribova, and others) goes searching for a missing search and rescue party but soon find they are overtaken by the same dark and sinister force and that their sanity and safety is threatened. Nowhere near the worst of its type, with decent filmmaking and acting, but takes too long to get going and never rises above the overall routine. Yet another horror film obviously inspired by “The Blair Witch Project” and blatantly ripping-off “The Descent.” Continue reading →
March 25, 2021 “Sacrilege” (** out of four) was a stale horror thriller about four friends (Tamaryn Payne, Emily Wyatt, and others) who head to a remote lodge for a getaway weekend of fun but they are soon terrorized by a local Pagan cult who wants to offer them up as a sacrifice for their solstice. Or something like that. What’s really “sacrilege” is that horror filmmakers continue to spend time and money on making virtually the same story over and over again ad nauseam; by the standards of other horror dreck, this is relatively well-made and well-acted but you’ve seen it all before and much better. Continue reading →
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