March 20, 2021 “The Parish” (*1/2 out of four) was an enervatingly routine and solemn horror melodrama about a recent widow (Angela DiMarco) who moves with her daughter (Sanae Loutsis) to a small town which is (what else?) filled with twisted sickos and psychopaths that turn both their lives upside down. Umpteenth movie about the dark-side-of-suburbia combined with the haunted house genre is stale and flat; this plays like a fizzled cocktail of “Blue Velvet”, “Twin Peaks”, and “The Amityville Horror” that is no longer fresh. Continue reading →
March 20, 2021 “Konga TNT” (0 stars out of four) was an unspeakably awful action thriller about a lab gorilla who is injected with a formula from an alien spaceship which leads to him growing to gargantuan size and rampaging through the surrounding city while the clueless army try to stop him as he grows into Kong. Kong, unfortunately, turns out to be a miniature man in a gorilla suit and if you think that’s tacky- wait till you see the other actors and the sets! The type of grade-Z film that was obviously released to cash in on “Godzilla vs. Kong” but even on that level- this is desperate and worthless. Avoid like COVID Continue reading →
March 18, 2021 “The Available Wife” (** out of four) was a slick but empty melodrama about a successful music CEO (Nicole Smith) who leaves her family for a professional and personal relationship with a rising music star (Terayle Hill) but soon realizes there is more to him than meets the eye and this deception unearths the lies and corruption that her music empire is built on and causes it to unravel. Handsomely shot and produced but characters and drama are too underdeveloped and story pattern is too predictable to carry the charge that film needs. By this point, these films simply lack any voltages of surprise. Continue reading →
March 17, 2021 “Just Noise” (** out of four) was a lukewarm historical melodrama set in 1919 when the citizens of Malta fought for independence from Britain and the army (led by Harvey Keitel and Malcolm McDowell) was sent to quell the riots and the British government covered up the incident which resulted in numerous innocent Maltese citizens accused of instigating the riots and unfairly jailed. Director Davide Ferrario holds your attention without ever really grabbing your collar and film never succinctly catches fire. Keitel and McDowell collect easy checks for roles they can play in their sleep by now. Continue reading →
March 17, 2021 “60 Seconds To Di3” (0 stars out of four) was an absolutely unwatchable series of unrelated horror-movie segments (some lasting barely a minute long) about women (Jenny French, Jenna Kildosher, and others) who kill their partners during sex, men (Hunter Johnson, John H. Shelton, and others) who slaughter their families, and other swell folks. Third entry (hence the clever title) in this series is an incoherent and unpleasant mess; the amateurish and in-your-face direction is no help. Recommended for anyone who didn’t fully appreciate “Creepshow” and “Tales From The Darkside.” Continue reading →
March 13, 2021 “Sour” (* out of four) was a moribund bore about a seedy detective (Adam Berardi) who moves with his niece (Natalie Maher) to a house that’s (what else?) haunted; as if that wasn’t enough, the landlord (Bourke Floyd) turns out to be abusive and sadistic and tries to turn the screws on both of them and they fail to get out until it’s too late. Lifeless exercise in tired horror cliches fails to pulsate with any suspense or energy. Viewers who make it to the end of this claptrap are the real ones who will feel “sour.” Continue reading →
March 13, 2021 “Know Fear” (*1/2 out of four) was a dreary supernatural horror thriller about a dedicated husband (David Alan Basche) whose wife (Amy Carlson) suddenly becomes possessed and him and his daughter (Mallory Bechtel) must turn to a ritual book to banish all evil entities from their home and resurrect her spirit back to live. Yet another rip-off of “The Amityville Horror”, “Paranormal Activity”, “The Exorcist” and far too many others to mention. Throws all its horror influences into a collective blender but is completely devoid of style and scares. Title is pretty much the only clever thing here. Continue reading →
March 13, 2021 “Silent Rose” (** out of four) was an earnest but monotonous melodrama filmed mostly in black-and-white set during the aftermath of the 2016 election as various students and teachers (Marquel Alexander, Diego Bateman, Shatira Herrera, and others) discuss their feelings on racial inequality and social injustice and how it affects their lives and many others at their high school and in contemporary America. Give director Mitch Dickman points for trying to make an intelligent rumination on politics and American society and its affect on youth but results are preachy, superficial, and forgettable. Even still, this won big at some independent film festivals earlier this year. Continue reading →
March 12, 2021 “Stay Out Of The Fu–ing Attic” (*1/2 out of four) was a fu–ing ridiculous timewaster about a group of ex-cons (Ryan Francis, Morgan Alexandria, and Bryce Fernelius) who become professional movers who are hired by a creepy client (Michael Flynn) and subsequently become locked in his house and soon find out that he is the Angel Of Death Dr. Josef Mengele and plans on killing them all. Exploitative and unpleasant movie distastefully uses a controversial and reprehensible figure in telling an otherwise clunky horror story. Stay Away From This Fu—ing Movie would be a better title for this trifle. Continue reading →
March 8, 2021 “Dark Web: Cicada 3301” (**12 out of four) was an intermittently engaging sci/fi action thriller about a hacker (Jack Kesy), his best friend (Ron Funches), and a mysterious librarian (Conor Leslie) who find themselves all over their head in global and international intrigue when they are recruited by the secret society of a corporation known as the dark web. Director Alan Ritchson overdirects with as much energy and style as possible in trying to make this entertaining but it all becomes a bit numbing after a while. Not bad but after a while may remind you more of a video game than an actual movie. Continue reading →
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