May 25, 2021 “Vanquish” (** out of four) was a well-made but empty and predictable pulp thriller about a former Russian drug courier (Ruby Rose) who is trying to put her past behind her but is coerced back into the vicious underworld by a criminal mastermind (Morgan Freeman) who holds her daughter hostage. Disappointing result for writer/director George Gallo who in better days wrote the script for “Midnight Run”; film has beautiful cinematography from Anastas Michos but is hampered by all-too-familiar and routine story. Freeman can play this role in his sleep by now and does in some scenes. Ultimately, there’s just not enough to “vanquish” here. Continue reading →
May 25, 2021 “616 Wilford Lane” (** out of four) was a hackneyed horror show about a single father (John Littlefield) who relocates from the big city to the country with his two teenage daughters (Jessica Chancellor and Allyson Gorske) but are besieged by some mysterious strangers (Eric Roberts and Jasmine Waltz) and dark occurrences in their home that tear them apart. Far from the worst of this disreputable genre but just rehashes cliches that “House”, “The Amityville Horror”, and even “Cold Creek Manor” did better decades ago. Roberts picks up another easy check in his umpteenth role as a creep; Waltz is a dead-ringer for Megan Fox. Continue reading →
May 24, 2021 “3 Tickets To Paradise” (** out of four) was a wooden Western about a feisty woman (Michelle Manhart), her ex-husband (Jeffrey Bentley whose a dead ringer for Scott Weiland) whose a reformed criminal, and a federal agent (Martin Kove) who all head for a ghost town in Mexico called Paradise in which they’re in search of 5000 stolen double-eagle coins. Watchable for Western fans, with some pretty scenery and a solid music score from Warren Lazar, but Sam Peckinpah did this same material far more richly and stirringly over 40 years ago. It’s nice to see Kove still showing authority at 75 but overall it’s not worth buying a “ticket” for this one. Continue reading →
May 23, 2021 “The Pizza Joint” (*1/2 out of four) was a stale comedy in the mold of early Cheech-and-Chong about two dimwitted brothers (Timothy Delaghetto and Anthony Guajardo) who run a very successful pizza shop which serves pizza infused with marijuana from a thuggish drug-dealer (Noel G); upon finding out that $20,000 owed to him has gone missing, they are given till midnight to pay him back or else. Strained comedy has all the ingredients for a lighthearted stoner romp but is grating and stupid at every turn. You can only imagine what the Dave Chappelle of “Half Baked” would have done with this material but this one goes up in smoke. Continue reading →
May 23, 2021 “Tooth Fairy 3: The Last Extraction” (*1/2 out of four) was a pretty dreary horror thriller about the continuing adventures of Corey (Andrew Rolfe) who goes with his friends (Jo Barker, Evangelina Burton, and others) on a summer break but soon finds that the horrific tooth fairy is coming back to haunt him. Third entry in this wearisome series is more pleasurable than an appointment for root canal but not by much; seriously- did anyone actually like (or even watch) the first 2 movies? Let’s put off a fourth entry until Jack Kevorkian becomes a licensed dentist Continue reading →
May 23, 2021 “Sideshow” (**1/2 out of four) was a reasonably engaging pulp comedy about two inept criminals (April Pearson and Nathan Clarke) who break into the home of a drunken has-been stand-up comedian psychic (Les Dennis) in search of cash but find more than they bargained for and the psychic seeks to utilize it as a chance at personal/spiritual/career salvation. Wacky mix of comedy and melodrama doesn’t fully succeed but is enthusiastically performed and written and directed with a nice sense of bounce and humor by Adam Oldroyd. The kind of film Guy Ritchie used to make but doesn’t much anymore. Continue reading →
May 22, 2021 “Sorority Sister Killer” (** out of four) was an obvious, empty suspense thriller about a college girl (Sarah Fisher) whose best friend (Paige Kriet) is murdered under mysterious circumstances and she has to sort all this out and find out which one of the various sorority sisters (Grace Montie, Triana Browne, Brylee Russell, and others) may be responsible before she’s next or is charged with her murder herself. Picture-perfect definition of direct-to-DVD mediocrity with decent filmmaking and acting but predictable plot points at every turn. Horror filmmakers should “pledge” to come up with some different film ideas once in a while. Continue reading →
May 22, 2021May 22, 2021 “The Retreat” (**1/2 out of four) was a moderately compelling horror melodrama about a lesbian couple (Tommie-Amber Pirie and Sarah Allen) who are trying to maintain their rocky relationship go to a wedding retreat and end up having to set aside their differences and unite when a group of serial killers target them. Ultimately never transcends its standard conventions and genre cliches but is more proficient than others of its kind, with good acting and stylish touches from director Pat Mills and cinematographer David Schuurman. Takes its time at the beginning but fairly gripping once it gets going. Continue reading →
May 22, 2021 “Aquarium Of The Dead” (*1/2 out of four) was a waterlogged horror thriller about workers and managers (Vivica A. Fox, D.C. Douglas, Erica Duke, and others) who find themselves under siege when a scientific experiment leads sharks and other sea creatures in an aquarium to turn into bloodthirsty killers! Utterly by-the-numbers thriller rips off both “Deep Blue Sea” and “Jaws 3” in equal measure; if you’re going to copy someone’s homework, you may as well copy from the smart rather than the dumb. Even Fox looks like she’s just going through the motions; this film is an “aquarium” of horror-movie cliches. Continue reading →
May 22, 2021 “Share Or Die” (*1/2 out of four) was a crummy horror melodrama made from the “anyone can make a horror movie school of filmmaking”: a mysterious post begins circulating online on social media and anyone who doesn’t share it dies while a group of curious teenagers (Noah Diggs, Logan Van Dyke, Danielle J. Bowman) try to figure it out and stay alive. Promising idea for a chilling horror story and an ironic commentary on today’s social-media culture is crippled by weak script and acting. You can only think what the Wes Craven of “Scream” would have done with this material. Don’t bother “sharing” this time-waster. Continue reading →
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