October 23, 2022 “Alone In The Dark” (*1/2 out of four) was a ridiculous suspense thriller about a woman (Novi Brown) under house arrest due to the crimes of her ex-husband (Christopher Bencomo) who begins being stalked by an unknown intruder and then hires a private security guard (Terrell Carter) who she falls in love with but begins to wonder who she can trust and where she can turn. Attractive lighting and decent cast do what they can but are overcome by multiple implausibilities and an ending which you literally can’t see coming because it’s so arbitrary and silly. You’d better off watch 1982’s “Alone In The Dark” instead. Continue reading →
October 23, 2022 “Detective Knight: Rogue” (** out of four) was a generic action thriller about a world-weary detective (Bruce Willis) who walks a troubled line between heroism and corruption in navigating the difficult streets of L.A. When his partner (Lochlyn Munroe) is severely wounded and the criminals head for New York, he has to risk everything to track them down and come to terms with the struggles of his past and present. What would have been a perfect role for Willis some 20-30 years ago now seems routine and film is pretty thirdhand and predictable although it remains watchable. One of Willis’ final films but is supposedly the first of a trilogy series. Continue reading →
October 23, 2022 “The Retaliators” (** out of four) was a gory, one-note horror melodrama about a morally conflicted pastor (Michael Lombardi) who is unable to move on with his life until he solves his daughter’s brutal murder and in doing so uncovers a dark and twisted underworld involving sadism and brutality that he is determined to put an end to. Film takes an awfully long time to get going but final third does deliver in terms of blood-drenched kills and action. Blink and you’ll miss Brian O’Halloran, Robert Burke, and also Tommy Lee who show up in meaningless cameos. Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “Hell On The Shelf” (* out of four) was a pretty dreadful found-footage horror show about two guys (Titus Himmelberger and Dave Fife) who are searching around for the key to various paranormal activity around a house and find that it stems from a Christmas Elf decoration that is emanating bad vibes and destructive behavior. More scares and certainly more fun may have ensued had they all baked cookies together instead. Yet another found-footage horror movie that seems to have been made from the philosophy “Hmm- if ‘The Blair Witch Project’ can do it- so can we”. Not a movie guaranteed to have much “shelf” life. Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “The Domestic” (*1/2 out of four) was a boring horror thriller set in South Africa in which a married couple (Thuli Thabethe and Amanda Du Pont) hires the daughter (Tumisho Masha) of their recently deceased housekeeper to take care of them but soon finds that she is hell-bent on wicked revenge and turns their lives upside down with voodoo and terror. Writer/director Bradley Katzen utilizes a creepy sense of dread in his aura and atmosphere; unfortunately the story goes nowhere and takes it sweet time getting there. For anyone who sticks with film through its torturous pacing, it doesn’t so much end as stop. “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle” told more-or-less the same story over 30 years ago! Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “V/H/S/99” (0 stars out of four) was a rockbottom entry in this confoundingly popular series (who the hell keeps buying these?) set in a nightmarish vision of 1999 in which various disturbing home videos are uncovered featuring a variety of sickos and freaks (Jesse LaTourette, Tybee Diskin, Verona Blue, and others) whose lives collide and they all have to try and survive and preserve their sanity which (believe me) is easier said than done. Film is so haphazard and incoherent that you could probably watch it backwards and it would make just as much sense but by no means is that a recommendation. The kind of movie that makes you want to take a shower immediately afterwards. Even for home-video and VHS lovers, you’ll want to press stop and eject long before this is over. Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “Dangerous Game: The Legacy Murders” (*1/2 out of four) was an uninvolving suspense potboiler about an estranged family (Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Jon Voight, Will Sasso) and others who reunite at a remote mansion but this reunion turns into a game of survival in which one is a murderer and the rest have to put their differences aside to stay alive. Feeble whodunit in which you could care less about the who or the it; a particular waste of Voight and Meyers could play this bitter role in his sleep by now. No relation to the Madonna/Harvey Keitel 1993 title of the same name but owes more than a bit to “Clue.” Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “Fall” (**1/2 out of four) was a half-terrifying/half-routine suspense drama about a woman (Grace Caroline Currey) recently reeling from the death of her partner in a mountain-climbing fall who agrees to team up with her best friend (Virginia Gardner) to conquer the fears of her recent tragedy by climbing a 2,000 foot radio tower but plans go askew when they find themselves stranded up there with no way down and no contact and no means of survival. Hair-raising at times and given a boost by strong performances of its 2 leads which put you up there right with them at the top of that tower but still film is never quite as gripping or connecting as it should have been. Overall worthwhile although not recommended for those with fear of heights or vertigo. Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “Pumpkin Everything” (** out of four) was a saccharine adaptation of Beth Laponte’s novel about a novelist (Taylor Cole) who returns to her hometown to look after her dying grandfather (Michael Ironside) and take over his pumpkin-themed family store but soon crosses paths with a man (Paul Essiembre) from her past which in turn affects all of their futures. Pleasant but predictable story is as weightless as a pumpkin latte but not quite as filling. Good performances can only do so much with a recipe without much surprises or additional spice in the mix. Continue reading →
October 21, 2022 “Let’s Get Physical” (** out of four) was a bland melodrama about a pilates instructor (Jenna Dewan- who looks a lot like an older Megan Fox) who expands her struggling business by also becoming a prostitute when she starts over in a small town and initially her blockbuster business is booming until other locals become suspicious (and jealous) and she is subsequently arrested and scandalized. Seedy subject matter based on a true story is sanitized and homogenized into a typically pat made-for-television package. Not terrible but you can only wonder what a director like David O. Russell or Paul Thomas Anderson may have done with this material. Continue reading →
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