Month: November 2022

“Grizzly Rage” (*1/2 out of four) was a pretty toothless horror thriller about some young partiers (Tyler Hoechlin, Kate Todd, and others) who accidentally run over a young cub which incenses the grizzly bear mother that sets out for revenge and targets them for extinction. By-the-numbers filmmaking and some pretty grisly acting turn this into a real survival story for the audience. The best performance in the movie ironically is by the bear itself. Filmed in 2007 being released now but should be extinct itself pretty soon.

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“Taurus” (*1/2 out of four) was a terminally weird saga of the final days of a troubled musician (Machine Gun Kelly) as he is trying to record his last record and piece together the various parts of his difficult life which has fallen apart at the seams. Film is cold to the touch and never engages your emotions and hardly moves period. Despite obviously being a musician himself, Kelly is pretty one-note and flat in the lead role and so is the rest of the cast including Megan Fox and Ruby Rose. Originally titled “Good News” but was changed to avoid confusion with Mac Miller and his huge hit after he died.

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“Requiem For A Scream” (** out of four) was a half-hearted slasher thriller about a sadistic killer who preys on a group of friends (Cassandra Scerbo, Michael X. Sommers, and others) at a lake resort and intends on collecting all their screams and turning it into a murderous symphony. Cleverly titled thriller for those of us who remember “Requiem For A Dream” and features various homages to the “Friday The 13th” series. Not bad for its genre and professionally made but too routine overall to make much of an impression.

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“Death Camp” (*1/2 out of four) was an abjectly awful horror potboiler about a group of friends (Cody Renee Cameron, Christopher Gerse, and others) who gather at a campground where gruesome murders took place some 20 years earlier. Guess what happens next. Yet another DIY low-budget horror timewaster that looks like it was shot on someone’s used cell phone. Filmmakers and actors should have instead gone to film camp, instead of this moldy material. Bring on that next “Friday The 13th” remake already!

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“Cursed Friends” (*1/2 out of four) was an irritatingly stupid MTV melodrama about 4 friends (Jessica Lowe, Nicole Byer, Harvey Guillen, Andrew Lewis Caldwell) who awake on Halloween and realize that the predict-your-future game they played in 2002 have become alarmingly true and they have to band together to try to change their fates that have transformed their lives inside-out. In-your-face horror story full of annoying characters and dumb dialogue that makes this a real timewaster. For anyone who even bothers to stay with this, film’s ending is a total letdown anyway.

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“Bitch Ass” (*1/2 out of four): (Yes that’s the actual title). Strictly amateur hour about a gang initiation which goes severely wrong when they all (Teon Kelley, Kelsey Caesar, Sheaun McKinney, and others) break into a haunted house and are forced to play deadly games in which all of their lives are at stake. Narrated by Tony Todd who even dares to reference “Candyman”- a stark reminder as the right way to make this kind of movie although in all fairness this was filmed for about $30,000 which accounts for its poor production values. Movies like this make that 1992 cult classic look like “A Nightmare On Elm Street” by comparison.

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“Eating Miss Campbell” (** out of four) was a genuinely bizarre melodrama about a goth high-school student (Lyndsey Craine) who falls in love with her gleeful new English teacher (Lala Barlow) and then subsequently finds that she is developing an insatiable appetite for human flesh which leads to multiple complications between them. Writer/director Liam Regan directs with flair and a nicely twisted sense of humor and Craine is game in the lead but film becomes too over-the-top into excess and unpleasantness. Definitely not for all tastes but will likely find a cult following. No relation to 1999’s “Teaching Miss Tingle” despite similar title and film poster.

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“Poker Face” (** out of four) was an overall losing hand about an aging tech billionaire (Russell Crowe) who hosts a high-stakes poker game with various friends and family (Chris Helmsworth, RZA, Aden Young, and others) but soon realizes that all have various secrets and agendas and have an elaborate revenge plot against each other and him as well. Disappointing result from Crowe who also wrote and directed this blah affair. Handsome production design and sleek cinematography give film an alluring surface but film never gathers much momentum or dramatic interest and thus folds pretty quickly.

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“Blood Relatives” (*1/2 out of four) was an anemic horror melodrama about a loner vampire (Noah Segan) whose solitary lifestyle is thrown into disarray when a young girl (Victoria Moroles) shows up and claims to be his daughter and they go on a less-than-enthralling odyssey across America looking for prey and bonding as father-daughter. Does anyone remember when these type of movies were actually fun and made with conviction? Similar in some ways to 1987’s underrated “Near Dark” but nowhere “near” as stylish or entertaining. Segan also wrote and directed so blame him for why this is one more vampire movie that really “sucks.”

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“The Hip-Hop Nutcracker” (** out of four) was a flashy but forgettable re-imagining of the historic musical as it’s re-told by Reverend Run in a retelling on the streets of NYC. Original dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov has a cameo and it’s filled with various hip-hop and R & B performers but overall comes up pretty empty. Glitzy production numbers and Keyan Safari’s occasionally dazzling cinematography take center stage but it’s simply not enough to sustain a feature-length film even at a brief running time. By this point, it might be time for filmmakers to stop taking a crack at bringing the “Nutcracker” to the screen.

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