January 29, 2023 “House Party” (*** out of four) was an engaging remake of the 1990 classic about two friends (Jacob Latimore and Tosin Cole) who stumble into the house of Lebron James and decide to throw a house party bash to attract women and money but naturally this all goes out of control. Director Calmatic employs the same bouncy humor and snappy pacing that the original had and both Latimore and Cole have good chemistry together. No classic but consistently entertaining and fun. Original partiers Kid ‘N’ Play and also Mya, Bill Bellamy, and Lebron James himself all show up in cameos. Continue reading →
January 29, 2023 “Infinity Pool” (** out of four) was a wan horror melodrama about a vacationing couple (Alexander Skarsgard and Cleopatra Coleman) who experience a violent accident at an exclusive resort they are staying and this brings to light various underlying tensions in their relationship and personal psyches. Director Brandon Cronenberg obviously inherited and studied a lot of the various psychological themes from his father David but film is joyless and overly cerebral. Originally rated NC-17 before being cut but pretty tame all things considering. Continue reading →
January 29, 2023 “Mega Lightning” (*1/2 out of four) was a thunderously dull thriller about a group (May Kelly, Maria Taylor, and others) at a house party who become alarmed by the outside stormy weather and move to a nearby house, only to discover there’s a serial killer in the house and they have to decide whether to stay in the house and survive or venture outside and stay alive in the perilous weather. Drab attempt at mixing serial killer and disaster genres with chintzy effects and filmmaking. Hardly anyone’s idea of a mega-movie. Continue reading →
January 29, 2023 “Bullet Train Down” (*1/2 out of four) was an ungainly action thriller about various travelers (Tom Sizemore, Rashod Freelove, Caroline Vargas, and others) aboard the fastest train in the world in Osaka but suddenly find out that the train is equipped with a massive bomb that will go off if the train dips below 200 MPH! The kind of cheesy substitute that’s made by low-budget filmmakers to cash in on a more expensive popular one (last years “Bullet Train” if you couldn’t guess) but it’s actually billed as a remake of 1975’s “Bullet Train” and rips off more-than-a-little of “Speed.” Either way, it’s forgettable and dumb. Sizemore looks groggy and hungover as usual. Continue reading →
January 28, 2023 “Blood Conscious” (** out of four) was a not-bad horror thriller about a vacationing family (Oghenero Gbaje, DeShawn White, Lenny Thomas, and others) in a cabin in the woods who become besieged by a deranged redneck shooter (Nick Damici) who claims to be fighting sinister and evil forces; is he telling the truth or are they all having mass hallucinations which may kill all of them? Writer/director Timothy Covell holds you with his mood and grip and keeps you watching but film takes a while to get going and never fully escapes or transcends its origins from “The Shining” and “The Strangers.” By this point, maybe its time horror filmmakers made a “conscious” effort to avoid stories about families on vacation and being stuck in the middle of the woods. Continue reading →
January 28, 2023 “Teen Wolf: The Movie” (** out of four) was an uninvolving adaptation of the popular MTV television series about a new terrifying breed of wolves and lycans that are on the prowl and only the heroic werewolf Scott McCall (Tyler Posey) can stop their deadly threat by gathering new allies and former lycan friends. Aimed squarely at fans of the series who probably will like this better but even for them it’s awfully long at nearly two-and-a-half hours. Original series director Russell Mulcahy brings the same flash he did to his music videos and also the “Resident Evil” movies but it’s a lot of energy expended over nothing. Very loosely based on the 1985 cult classic with Michael J. Fox. Continue reading →
January 27, 2023 “The Plot To Kill My Mother” (*1/2 out of four) was an illogical suspense melodrama about a young woman (Romy Weltman) who grew up in federal witness protection and reels after the loss of her mother but soon uncovers various information that leads her to question everything she has accepted as truth in her life. Allegedly based on a true story but hard to believe since the majority of the movie rings false and hollow. Weltman’s sincere performance is flattened by film’s pat screenplay and direction and predictable “plotting.” Continue reading →
January 26, 2023 “Night Train” (*1/2 out of four) was a stalled action thriller about a single mom (Danielle C. Ryan) unable to stay afloat financially as a teamster who starts working on the black market running medical supplies and drugs while attempting to evade capture from a ruthless F.B.I. agent (Ivan Sergei) who tries to anticipate her every move. Routine and boring action made out of spare parts of too many other past thrillers. Both director Shane Stanley and star Ryan both made last year’s “Double Threat” which had virtually the same story and plot points. Continue reading →
January 26, 2023 “Candy Land” (0 stars out of four) was a terminally sour horror potboiler for freaks and masochists only about a young woman (Olivia Luccardi) who immerses herself into the world of underground truck-stop sex workers and realizes she has found her true calling in life but this feeling of bliss is interrupted by finding out that one of her sisters-in-commerce is a killer. Sleazy and stupid (and proud of it) but also logy and boring; the very definition of a worthless film. William Baldwin sleepwalks his way through a dreadful performance as the town sheriff. Film climaxes with Crowded House’s classic “Don’t Dream It’s Over” but trust me- any and all viewers by that point will be preying this is over as soon as possible. Continue reading →
January 26, 2023 “Attack Of The 50 Foot Camgirl” (* out of four) was an abysmal horror comedy about a popular social media personality (Ivy Smith) who ingests an unknown formula and becomes a gargantuan 50-foot giant while her husband and his friend (Eli Cirino and Christine Nguyen) plot her destruction. Grade-Z throwback to broad comedies and monster movies of the 50’s and 60’s; most of the laughs are unintentional and come from the dreadful acting and certain parts might actually remind you of “Honey, I Blew Up The Kid.” Film is only a little more than an hour long but believe me you won’t be complaining. Continue reading →
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