January 18, 2023 “Halloween Friends” (0 stars out of four) was an indescribably awful horror show about the various siblings (Kristen Lundberg, Natalie Polisson, Taylor Storm, and others) of the famous movie killers Freddie, Jason, and Michael who all sit around in terrible wigs and makeup commiserating about their lives and sibling rivalries. Oh and byetheway- one of the Sesame Street characters (and their sister) makes an appearance too. Result is so dreadful that you almost have to give points of audacity for whomever the filmmakers are but by no means at all is that a recommendation. Title is likely an allusion to the recent “Halloween Ends” but trust me this film makes that look like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle by comparison. Continue reading →
January 18, 2023 “Burned By Love” (*1/2 out of four) was a thuddingly predictable suspenser about a woman recently divorced (Shiva Negar) who meets a Mr. Perfect (Dillon Casey) online who seems wonderful on the surface but the more she learns about him, the more she realizes he is (what else?) a sociopath intent on turning her life upside-down. Virtually anyone who has seen a thriller will be able to predict this entire film within the first 15 minutes and remaining hour-and-15-minutes after are almost guaranteed suspense-free. Hard to believe 35 years later they’re still ripping off “Fatal Attraction” but seeing is believing. Continue reading →
January 17, 2023 “Criminal Audition” (* out of four) was a criminally dull melodrama about an ex-lawyer (Rich Keeble) and his team who run an underworld service in which law-abiding citizens take on other’s crimes but one of a new group of civilians (Rebecca Calienda, Blain Neale, and Ben Scheck) they take in turns the tables on them and they all have to play a game of psychological and physical warfare against one another to survive the night. Originally written as a play in which it may have worked better but as a feature-film- it’s static and boring. Film is only an hour-and-a-half long but feels like an endless day in court. Continue reading →
January 17, 2023 “Plane” (**1/2 out of four) was an adequately done action thriller about a pilot (Gerard Butler) who is forced to crashland his plane in the midst of a deadly storm but they are all soon besieged by vicious pirates and he has to team up with a convicted murderer (Mike Colter) on the plane as his only hope to thwart them and stay alive. Never rises above the routine but has enough shootings and some hair-raising suspense to keep action junkies entertained. Butler gives his usual square-jawed conviction and Tony Goldwynn has his best role in years as a supportive air-traffic control specialist. Continue reading →
January 17, 2023 “A Man Called Otto” (** out of four) was a disappointing comedy melodrama about a grumpy old widow (Tom Hanks) who has decided to end it all following the recent death of his wife but he soon forges a friendship with a new neighbor (Mariana Trevino) which gives them both a new lease on life. Hanks is always worth watching but film earnestly meanders for over two hours and is never particularly moving or funny. This was a remake of the 2016 Swedish film of the same name. In one scene, Hanks’ face has to be digitally de-aged using old footage of him from 1989’s “The Burbs”; his son Truman plays him as a younger character in other scenes. Continue reading →
January 17, 2023 “The Devil’s Conspiracy” (*** out of four) was a crackling horror thriller about a Satanic cult that steals the Shroud Of Turin for apocalyptic purposes and it’s up to some concerned locals (Alice Orr-Ewing and Joe Doyle) to combat them and Lucifer (Joe Anderson) himself to steal it back and thus save the world. Gonzo storyline is made entertaining by never stopping moving, never taking itself too seriously, and giving viewers flashy and stylish effects and action to take in. A solid-B effort and strong showing from director Nathan Frankowski. Continue reading →
January 17, 2023 “From Hell To The Wild West” (* out of four) was utter hack about Jack The Ripper (Charlie Glackin) who tries to immerse himself on the American frontier and find some new victims to slash but a hard-nosed sheriff (Robert Bronzi) is determined to put an end to his menacing reign once and for all. Feeble attempt at grafting the Ripper legend onto a Western melodrama; dreadful filmmaking and cheapjack production stop film dead in its tracks. Charles Bronson lookalike Bronzi plays a character named Mr. Buchinski which was actually Bronson’s real name but that’s about all here for cleverness. Continue reading →
January 17, 2023 “Evil Bong 888: Infinity High” (* out of four) was a chronically awful entry in this inexplicably popular series about the main character Rabbit (Sonny Carl James) who finally opens a legitimate restaurant whose marijuana joint is the most exotic dish in town which leads to the whole town being nonstop high and him in the crossfire of the cops who want a piece of his business or to shut him down. Film features enough sex and marijuana jokes to satisfy series fans but usual in-your-face filmmaking and stupid writing turn this into a bad trip. This makes “Half Baked” or some of Cheech and Chong’s adventures look like Oscar fare by comparison. Continue reading →
January 16, 2023 “The Offering” (*1/2 out of four) was an offer well-worth declining about a family (Paul Kaye, Emily Wiseman, Nick Blood, and others) trying to recover from recent loss who soon find that they’re being torn apart by an ancient evil from within and only by unifying can they bury it in the past and save their future. Stale pileup of possession/haunted house/paranormal activity cliches; can anybody actually tell any of these interchangeable horror movies apart? Originally titled “Abyzou” Continue reading →
January 16, 2023 “Graves” (**1/2 out of four) was a gritty if minimalistic pulp melodrama about a determined street cop (Shawn Black) who embarks on a personal vendetta to bring criminals around his neighborhood to justice but this puts him head-to-head against a criminal mastermind (Wilfred La Salle) as ruthless as he is and they begin to realize (and respect) they have more in common than they may think. Writer/director/co-star La Salle works in a visceral guerilla verite style that recalls some of “The Wire” and some of Michael Mann’s “Heat” and holds your attention but is limited by its low-budget and obvious story derivations. Still, an impressive showing from La Salle overall on both sides of the camera. Continue reading →
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