April 8, 2023 “Attack Of The Killer Chickens: The Movie” (0 out of four) was an absolute rockbottom horror comedy about a town of none-too-bright citizens and politicians (Genoveva Rossi, David Naughton, Brendan Fletcher, and others) who find themselves under siege by a barrage of murderous chickens who want to reclaim the town as their own. Grade-Z attempt at schlock sci/fi comedy with dreadful acting and tacky filming the moldy icing on the slushy cake. With a title like that, you know what you’re in for but believe me it’s even worse as film doesn’t even have any low-budget scares or tongue-in-cheek laughs. This makes “Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes” look like “Titanic” by comparison. Continue reading →
April 8, 2023 “Bunker” (*1/2 out of four) was an anemic horror thriller about a group of WWI soldiers (Roger Clark, Luke Baines, Sean Cullen, and others) trapped in an underground lair and soon find that a sinister force has overtaken them and is systematically turning them against one another and it’s a battle to the death to see who will survive. Plodding trifle in a claustrophobic setting but horror fans and WWI historians will find little of merit here; a few good special effects are film’s only value. “Junker” would have been a better title for this timewaster. Continue reading →
April 8, 2023 “Three Days In The Woods 2: Killin’ Time” (*1/2 out of four) was yet another unnecessary horror sequel that will kill your time about a series of true-crime podcasters (Stephanie Ward, Patricia Rodriguez, Hillary Schmatolla-Brooks, and others) who return to the scene of the original slayings to uncover clues as to what happened but soon find out that the original killer is still on the prowl and that they’re next. Gory and disgusting movie is only for those who thought the original 2010 thriller was robbed at Oscar time. Film has the gall to rip off parts of the music score of “Halloween III: Season Of The Witch” but this sadly will never be in the same category as that overlooked masterwork. Continue reading →
April 7, 2023 “The Pope’s Exorcist” (*1/2 of four) was malarkey hokum about a troubled priest (Russell Crowe) who is chief exorcist of the Vatican who investigates a young man’s terrifying obsession and uncovers (yawn) a sinister conspiracy involving the church involving exorcisms and supernatural stigmata. Allegedly based on the actual files of noted Father Gabriele Amorth but seems more based on “The Exorcism”, “Stigmata”, and just about every other terrible religious horror movie that comes out almost monthly these days. Once you’ve seen one priest fighting evil and exorcisms within the church, you’ve sadly seen them all. What the hell is Crowe doing in this movie? Continue reading →
April 7, 2023 “Unstable” (*1/2 out of four) was an unnecessary thriller about a divorced mom (Ashley Scott) who takes in a former football player (Ivan Sergei) as a caretaker for her child but never realizes that he is (what else?) a psychopath who wants the child for himself and soon turns both of their lives upside down. Thoroughly obvious movie filled with logic gaps and red herrings; Sergei is such an obvious nutjob creep that this is actually unintentionally funny for a little while but unfortunately this isn’t meant as a comedy. Filmed in 2012 and released now but has not aged like fine wine. Continue reading →
April 7, 2023 “The Hand That Robs The Cradle” (*1/2 out of four): And how’s that for a clever title? A nanny (Emily Miceli) starts to care for a young boy (Holden Smith) but soon begins to uncover that his alleged parents (Lesa Wilson and Nick Schroeder) are actually his captors and she has to decide what to do and how the both of them can stay alive. Pretty soggy and flat thriller goes through the motions without much spark or fire to enhance its cliched storyline and script. For anyone wondering, this is not a remake or reimagining of 1992’s “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle” even though it “robs” some of that film’s story elements. Continue reading →
April 6, 2023 “Broken Ties” (** out of four) was a tedious suspense melodrama about 2 sisters (Brianna Cohen and Nicole Marie Johnson) who take different paths in life; one has the perfect existence with a picture-perfect home and husband and the other is threatened and abused by her husband leading to jealousy and resentment which boils over. In-name only thriller plays more like a soap-opera with vague suspense elements. Good performances from the two leads and attractive lighting keep this watchable but it’s only for those who will rent anything from Netflix or the Redbox machine. Originally titled “Sisters On The Run.” Continue reading →
April 6, 2023 “Malum” (**1/2 out of four) was a wildly uneven horror thriller about a rookie cop (Jessica Sula) who takes the late shift in a new police station in an attempt to uncover the link between the death of her policeman father (Britt George) and a mysterious cult that possibly overtook his mind and threatens to envelop her as well. Director Anthony DiBlasi incorporates some striking and feverish imagery and has some vital scares but film becomes too cerebral and over-the-top in its final third and after a while- you may find this is overly derivative of “The Shining.” Sula’s strong performance in the lead makes this overall worth sticking through. Film is a remake of director DiBlasi’s own 2014 horror thriller “Late Shift.” Continue reading →
April 5, 2023 “The Baby Swindler” (*1/2 out of four) was a ludicrous suspense thriller about a woman (Rhonda Dent) who freezes an embryo and her best friend (Emily Tennant) agrees to be the surrogate mother and carry the child but when the woman disappears- she starts to question what’s going on and what’s best for her unborn child right around the corner. The kind of movie that gives the word contrived a bad name. Director Chester Sit knows a thing or two about swindling himself since the crazy story’s fragments are lifted from “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle”, “Hush”, and many others. This should have been aborted long before the cameras started rolling. Continue reading →
April 3, 2023 “Who Killed Our Father?” (*1/2 out of four) was a slack, derivative suspense thriller about a young woman (Leila Comerford) whose father dies and she then embarks on a journey to discover the sister she never knew she had but doesn’t expect all the realizations and problems this will result in for her. Slickly directed and shot but can’t cover up for a tired screenplay that gets more silly and illogical as it goes along. Does anyone remember when these types of thrillers were actually fun? A few more clunkers like this might actually “kill” the genre for good. Continue reading →
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