October 17, 2023 “The Bell Keeper” (* out of four) was a banal collection of horror cliches about a group of friends (Kathleen Kenny, Reid Miller, and others) who go to a campground and are menaced by the title character (Randy Couture) and try to escape by any means necessary. Result is so by-the-numbers and wooden that you may as well play counting cards instead, it’s just as scary and entertaining. One-time wrestling star Couture is still trying in vain for an acting career but it’s unlikely to be saved by this “Bell.” Continue reading →
October 16, 2023 “Dangerous Waters” (*1/2 out of four) was a waterlogged suspense melodrama about a young girl (Odeya Rush) on a seafaring vacation with her mother (Saffron Burrows) and her mother’s boyfriend (Eric Dane) and soon finds out that he has a dark past that threatens them all while they are out in the middle of nowhere. “Dead Calm” told virtually the same story with a lot more tension and terror and sheer filmmaking skill over 35 years ago; this drifts aimlessly and off-course for nearly 2 hours. Ray Liotta died during filming and is barely in the film despite top billing. Continue reading →
October 16, 2023 “The Venice Murders” (*1/2 out of four) was a morose suspense thriller about an art student (Sophie Hopkins) whose new roommate (Darcy Grey) goes missing in Italy and she turns to her eccentric aunt (Eva Pope) to help find her and bring the kidnapper to justice. No suspense and no scares or thrills either as film ambles along a predictable pattern. Even the Venice scenery isn’t especially well-captured or filmed. Il addio! Continue reading →
October 15, 2023 “The Puppetman” (*1/2 out of four) was a toothless horror story about a convicted killer (Zachary Le Vey) on death row for multiple murders who always claims he was possessed by the deadly spirit of The Puppetman when committing his murders; when his daughter (Alyson Gorske) is grown up, she begins to believe him and teams up with a seasoned detective (Michael Pare) to uncover the truth of this before it is too late. Routine and unpleasant story soon goes nowhere. Director Brandon Christensen said this was inspired by the Tom Jones song of the same name but “Release Me” and “Funny Familiar Forgotten” were more apt song titles to describe this. Continue reading →
October 15, 2023 “Vindicta” (** out of four) was a self-indulgent, meaninglessly self-important serial-killer melodrama about a burned-out detective (Sean Astin) and new paramedic (Elena Kampouris) who attempt to stop a vicious serial killer who has been terrorizing the city. Director Sean McNamara obviously watched “Seven” a few times before filming this and film is watchable but too logy and overly familiar to have much resonance. Astin is miscast as a world-weary cop but Jeremy Piven livens things up in a key supporting role. Continue reading →
October 14, 2023 “The Kill Room” (** out of four) was a wildly uneven action comedy that zig-zags from action to comedy to thriller and back again and keeps the audience off balance; a jaded hitman (Joe Manganiello), his boss (Samuel L. Jackson), and an art dealer (Uma Thurman) all get thrusted into a money-laundering scheme involving the criminal underworld and all of them start double-guessing and double-crossing one another. Enthusiastically performed by its strong cast but given that cast and its pedigree, this should have been more entertaining and more fun and it’s not. Film marks a reunion between Jackson and Thurman but does not have the adrenaline rush and sensation of “Pulp Fiction.” Continue reading →
October 13, 2023 “How To Rob A Bank (And 10 Tips To Get Away With It”) (*1/2 out of four) was an inept action comedy that robs nearly 2 hours of your life about a slacker (Nick Stahl) and a bank employee (Erika Christensen) who become caught in the midst of a bank robbery and have to operate as the intermediaries between the bank robber (Gavin Rossdale), the master criminal (David Carradine), and the hostage negotiator (Terry Crews) outside. Utterly stupid and annoying movie goes nowhere slowly. Reminds you a little of “Inside Man” except that movie had much more tension and laughs. Made in 2007 and being released now but hasn’t exactly aged like fine wine. Continue reading →
October 13, 2023 “V/H/S/85” (* out of four) was a dreadful continuation of this inexplicably popular series about a television documentary that unveils five horror tales about various serial killers, murderers, and other swell folks (James Ransone, Freddy Rodriguez, Kelli Garner, and others) and how they all try to psychologically and physically outsmart one another. For anyone keeping track, this is officially a direct sequel to “V/H/S (2012)” but who cares? Just like previous entries, it’s numbing, stupid, and pretty much devoid of any entertainment value. Horror movies actually made in 1985 had much better filmmaking (and acting) than this. Continue reading →
October 13, 2023 “Ouija Witch” (*1/2 out of four) was a mean-spirited clunker about a young woman (Miley Rose) who is brutally assaulted and visits a mysterious shopkeeper (Sean Young) who helps her summon even more brutal revenge on her attackers. Lame attempt at horror and tongue-in-cheek comedy; not all that different from “The Craft” except that movie was made with style and flash almost 30 years ago. Young is wasted in a very minor role and by this point she needs more than a “ouija” board to resuscitate her stalled career. Continue reading →
October 12, 2023 “Scary Tales: Dead Zone” (* out of four) was an abysmal horror show about a couple (Lorrie Godeck and Phil Godeck) who get lost on a drive and wind up stranded in the middle of the woods where (yawn) they enter a haunted house with a maniac (Mark Carter) and realize their lives are in jeopardy. Aptly titled timewaster is a complete dead zone for scares or thrills and looks cheap. Made ONLY for hard-core fans of the “Scary Tales” series, whomever they are. Continue reading →
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