“The Caregiver” (*1/2 out of four) was a vapid horror thriller about the title caregiver (Ciara Kovacic) who is hired to attend to a senile old woman (Lis Fernandez) but soon realizes that all is not what it appears as strange occurrences begin happening throughout the house. Molasses-moving movie is laughably solemn and sorely lacking in any humor or scares to liven up the party. For no apparent reason, film is set 1989; for no apparent reason should you watch the film either.