Author: dlepikcom

“Bitch Ass” (*1/2 out of four): (Yes that’s the actual title). Strictly amateur hour about a gang initiation which goes severely wrong when they all (Teon Kelley, Kelsey Caesar, Sheaun McKinney, and others) break into a haunted house and are forced to play deadly games in which all of their lives are at stake. Narrated by Tony Todd who even dares to reference “Candyman”- a stark reminder as the right way to make this kind of movie although in all fairness this was filmed for about $30,000 which accounts for its poor production values. Movies like this make that 1992 cult classic look like “A Nightmare On Elm Street” by comparison.

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“Eating Miss Campbell” (** out of four) was a genuinely bizarre melodrama about a goth high-school student (Lyndsey Craine) who falls in love with her gleeful new English teacher (Lala Barlow) and then subsequently finds that she is developing an insatiable appetite for human flesh which leads to multiple complications between them. Writer/director Liam Regan directs with flair and a nicely twisted sense of humor and Craine is game in the lead but film becomes too over-the-top into excess and unpleasantness. Definitely not for all tastes but will likely find a cult following. No relation to 1999’s “Teaching Miss Tingle” despite similar title and film poster.

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“Poker Face” (** out of four) was an overall losing hand about an aging tech billionaire (Russell Crowe) who hosts a high-stakes poker game with various friends and family (Chris Helmsworth, RZA, Aden Young, and others) but soon realizes that all have various secrets and agendas and have an elaborate revenge plot against each other and him as well. Disappointing result from Crowe who also wrote and directed this blah affair. Handsome production design and sleek cinematography give film an alluring surface but film never gathers much momentum or dramatic interest and thus folds pretty quickly.

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“Blood Relatives” (*1/2 out of four) was an anemic horror melodrama about a loner vampire (Noah Segan) whose solitary lifestyle is thrown into disarray when a young girl (Victoria Moroles) shows up and claims to be his daughter and they go on a less-than-enthralling odyssey across America looking for prey and bonding as father-daughter. Does anyone remember when these type of movies were actually fun and made with conviction? Similar in some ways to 1987’s underrated “Near Dark” but nowhere “near” as stylish or entertaining. Segan also wrote and directed so blame him for why this is one more vampire movie that really “sucks.”

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“The Hip-Hop Nutcracker” (** out of four) was a flashy but forgettable re-imagining of the historic musical as it’s re-told by Reverend Run in a retelling on the streets of NYC. Original dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov has a cameo and it’s filled with various hip-hop and R & B performers but overall comes up pretty empty. Glitzy production numbers and Keyan Safari’s occasionally dazzling cinematography take center stage but it’s simply not enough to sustain a feature-length film even at a brief running time. By this point, it might be time for filmmakers to stop taking a crack at bringing the “Nutcracker” to the screen.

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“The Guardians Of The Galaxy Holiday Special” (** out of four) was an inconsequential spin-off of the blockbuster Marvel series about the continuing adventures of Star-Lord (Chris Pratt) and Drax (Dave Bautista) and company as they go off in search of and kidnap Kevin Bacon (playing himself!) for the holidays! Enthusiastically played by its all star-cast and original director and creator James Gunn but mostly for fans only. Sufficient enough to hold Marvel fans over for the next “Guardians” entry but pretty trivial otherwise. For Marvel fans keeping track, this is actually set between the events of “Thor: Love And Thunder” and “Guardians Vol. 3.”

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“A Party To Die For” (** out of four) an overly predictable and derivative suspense melodrama about a luxury boutique worker (Jonetta Kaiser) who meets a socialite (Kara Royster) who invites her out to a nightclub and after a wild night of partying find that someone is killed and they all find their worst instincts rising to the surface as they try to cover their tracks and find out whose playing who and who is the real killer. Glamorous cinematography (by Joseh Hennigan) and attractive cast help keep this watchable but it’s story and plot twists are all-too-familiar. Easy to watch but at the same time just as easy to forget.

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“Ghosts Of Flight 401” (*1/2 out of four) was a hokey documentary about a paranormal investigator (Steve Shippy) and a paranormal psychic (Cindy Kaza) who on the 50th anniversary of the historic 1972 flight 401 attempt to make contact with the deceased and their ghosts who continue to allegedly haunt the Florida Everglades ever since. Earnestly done and well-researched but overall dull and decays into overbaked corn after a while. Perhaps it’s really about time we let those from the 1972 flight really rest in peace.

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“The Menu” (** out of four) was a twisted black “comedy” about a group of guests (Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicholas Hoult, John Leguizamo, and many others) who travel to a remote island for an exclusive restaurant where the iconoclastic chef (Ralph Fiennes) has more than a few surprises in store for his guests and his fellow kitchen assistants. Highly bizarre and offbeat story is crammed with irony and over-the-top humor but the overall oddity and ugliness (no pun intended) leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Director Mark Mylod and cinematographer Peter Deming try to give this as much polish and style as much but can’t overcome central story and script deficiencies.

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“Andromeda” (*1/2 out of four) was an empty, derivative sci/fi suspense thriller about a young man (Tim Llewelyn) who has to travel through the galaxies and the farthest extent of the universe to find his long-lost father (Paul T. Taylor) but finds multiple personal/physical/psychological struggles along the way. Just a series of ideas borrowed from other and better movies, particularly “Ad Astra” which this liberally rips off at times. Full of video-game like effects that vary the monotony but mostly look cheap.

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