Author: dlepikcom

“The Manson Brothers Midnight Zombie Massacre” (*1/2 out of four) was a sputtering, stupid horror thriller about two former pro wrestlers (Chris Margaretis and Mike Carey) who are relegated to low-budget wrestling/MMA work to stay active and find that their latest job is to fight zombies in a caged arena and save humanity. Obviously you know with a title like that watch you’re paying for but film is done with little conviction and thus runs out of steam soon. Naming the brothers Manson is cleverest thing in this one-joke script; D.B. Sweeney also shows up as a sleazy promoter named Vic Quickbuck (are you laughing yet?).

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“Synapse” (**1/2 out of four) was an intermittently compelling and engaging futuristic melodrama in which dealers sell memories to people on the street who become addicted to them like drugs; one such dealer (Adam G. Simon) becomes chased by federal narcotics agents and various criminal underworld figures determined to keep some of these memories (and his own memories) locked and hidden forever. Half standard underworld chase thriller but also half original with a clever premise and at least it never stops moving. Very similar story was told in 1995’s excellent and underrated “Strange Days.”ynapse” (**1/2 out of four) was an intermittently compelling and engaging futuristic melodrama in which dealers sell memories to people on the street who become addicted to them like drugs; one such dealer (Adam G. Simon) becomes chased by federal narcotics agents and various criminal underworld figures determined to keep some of these memories (and his own memories) locked and hidden forever. Half standard underworld chase thriller but also half original with a clever premise and at least it never stops moving. Very similar story was told in 1995’s excellent and underrated “Strange Days.”

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“Malignant” (*** out of four) was a skillfully done horror thriller about a young woman (Annabelle Wallis) who becomes paralyzed by visions of grisly murders that she soon realizes are terrifying realities as the lines are blurred in her life between what’s imaginary and what’s real and she has to find her way out. Stylish and scary horror venture is augmented even more by writer/director James Wan’s typical atmosphere of melancholic dread. Story starts to run out of steam in the middle but still has more shocks and chills up its sleeve.

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“Hellbox” (*1/2 out of four) was a crummy supernatural thriller set across five centuries in which an ancient and mysterious box passes through the hands of a brave knight (Bret Ootes), a group of college girls (Rachel Macmillan, Erin Moore, and others), a suicidal psychiatrist (David Scott), and other swell folks and alters their lives and shows them a piece of Hell. Both overlong and underdone and none-too-scary either. Horror fans would best watch “Hellraiser” (or any of its sequels) again instead. This was originally released in 2008 as “All That Is Hidden” and was re-edited and reworked for years but should have stayed hidden.

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“Flag Day” (** out of four) was an emotionally obtuse melodrama about a teenage girl (Dylan Penn) and her complicated relationship with her father (Sean Penn who also directed) who tries to take care of her but also leads a double life as a counterfeither and bank robber and underworld criminal. Like a lot of other Penn’s directorial works (“The Pledge”, “The Crossing Guard”), this is earnest and well-intentioned but clouded by an overall air of aloofness and indifference that prevents the material from connecting emotionally. Similar in aura and mood to Penn’s 1991 directorial debut “The Indian Runner” and even more similar in plot to 1986′ “At Close Range” which Penn starred in.

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“C.O.R.N.” (*1/2 out of four) was a tawdry horror melodrama about a group of friends (Kennedy Tucker, Matteus Ward, and Roger Cross) whose car breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they meet an older creep (Dylan Riley Snyder) who specializes in human taxidermy and apparently chases and stalks people throughout the cornfields in his area. Just another jerry-built maze of horror cliches with little to recommend it even for hardcore horror and gore fans. One-by-one you’re mostly waiting for the characters to die. Watch “Children Of The Corn” again instead.

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“Stillwater” (**1/2 out of four) was a mildly moving story of a dedicated blue-collar father (Matt Damon) who travels from Oklahoma to France to help his estranged daughter (Abigail Breslin) who is in prison for a murder she says she didn’t commit and attempts to prove her innocence and get her out of prison at any personal cost. Starts off absorbing and gripping but then goes flat, as it wanders in too many different directions as Damon falls in love with a Frenchwoman (Camille Cottin) and gets mired up in the criminal underworld. Even the ending doesn’t quite have the visceral impact or punch it needs but Damon’s heartfelt and solid work makes film overall worth watching.

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“Noxious 2: Cold Case” (* out of four) was a dismal follow-up set years after the events of the original in which the protagonist (Bathsheba Nichole Adams) is on the run and finds her past is catching up with her as she finds herself at a personal and psychological crossroads in her life while she tries to unravel a sex-trafficking case. Yet another sequel that I don’t think very many were waiting for but regardless- it’s a terrible move in its own right. Muddled and low-grade pretty much all the way through. For hard-core fans of the original only.

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“Death Rider In The House Of Vampires” (0 stars out of four) was an excruciating schlockfest set in the Wild Wild West in which a mysterious lone ranger cowboy (Devon Sawa) enters a dangerous vampire sanctuary and finds that the only price of admission is the sacrifice of a female virgin and subsequently finds that the evil Count (Julian Sands) and a ruthless villain (Glenn Danzig) have other plans. If you make it through the first 20 minutes, you might actually survive all the way to the end; film is senseless and static and is ugly to even look at. Rock star Danzig also wrote and directed this miserable timewaster and seems to be attempting to follow in the footsteps of his pal Rob Zombie. Danzig songs “Long Way From Hell” and “Pain Is Like An Animal” are all-too-apt descriptions of what it’s like sitting through this one.

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“Uploaded” (** out of four) was a tepid melodrama about a famous television and online prankster (Brian Krause) who finds the tables turned on him when he is set up for a murder he did not commit and he finds himself on the run without anyone he can trust while his fans search him out every step of the way. Fairly fast-moving but lacks the dramatic tension and intrigue that a story like this needs and wears out after a while. Nowhere near the worst of its genre but isn’t worth either uploading or downloading.

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