Author: dlepikcom

“Strictly Confidential” (** out of four) was a strictly mundane erotic thriller about a young woman (Georgia Lock) who returns to the Carribean to uncover details about the suicide of her best friend (Lauren McQueen) and is drawn into an erotic affair with another woman (a facelifted Elizabeth Hurley who looks here almost like Lindsay Lohan) and various other mysteries. Gorgeously shot by George Burt on stunning Carribean locations but otherwise by-the-numbers and banal. Directed by Hurley’s son Damian who looks as if he cut his teeth on the “Red Shoe Diaries”.

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“The Girl In The Trunk” (**1/2 out of four) was a fairly engrossing suspense potboiler about a kidnapped bride (Katharina Sporrer) who wakes up trapped in a trunk with poisonous wildlife and has to desperately attempt to contact the outside world to stay alive. Initially very suspenseful and compelling and anchored firm by a strong lead performance from Sporrer although it starts to lose its way before its finish as it gets more conventional. Still, good of its kind and better than average. Very much in a similar vein to “The Call” and “Trunk: Locked In.”

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“Arctic Armageddon” (** out of four) was an arbitrary sci/fi melodrama about an earthquake which hits the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and the world starts to freeze over and cities fall into chaos which leads to a group of scientists (Patrick Labyorteaux, Lindsey Marie Wilson, and others) trying to figure out to raise the world’s temperature to prevent the next Ice Age. Not bad and decently produced on a low budget but too derivative to make much of an impression.

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“What Happens In Miami” (** out of four) was a stylish but empty teen thriller about a group of friends (Rachel Leryco, Annalisa Cochrane, Ashlei Sharpe Chestnut, and others) who go on Spring Break and one of them goes missing and they find themselves the prime suspects. Not the worst of its disreputable ilk and remains watchable throughout but is too unoriginal and uninspired to make a mark. Enough with movies by now about spring breakers getting into trouble.

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“Agent Recon” (**1/2 out of four) was a fast-paced if overly derivative B-action thriller about an aging captain (Chuck Norris) of an elite Earth security force who sends in a rookie fighter (Derek Sing) in on a mission to find an energy device in Mexico that could lead to the brink of nuclear war. Nonsensical script and story but never stops moving and has enough hand-to-hand combat and gunplay for genre fans. Norris is in very little which isn’t a surprise since he’s now 84 years old. Sing also wrote and directed.

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“Road Wars: Max Fury” (*1/2 out of four) was a shoddy sci/fi thriller about two sisters (Chandni Shah and Preet Kaur) who set out across a post-apocalyptic wasteland to save their wounded mother and have to race against ruthless raiders on the road who will stop at nothing to have them killed. Typical cheap cash-in on a much more popular and bigger-budgeted film (“Furiosa” if you couldn’t guess) but sluggish and weak. Original “Road Warrior” star Vernon Wells shows up in a minor role.

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“General Commander” (** out of four) was a pretty tame action melodrama about a C.I.A. operative (Steven Seagal) and his team of young recruits (Jai Day, Micah Javier, and others) who go after some vicious worldwide terrorists but all is not what it seems as they encounter various forms of duplicity and deception. Glossy and made with style but doesn’t feature much that Seagal hasn’t done in roughly 1,000 of his other made-for-DVD schlock over the last 30 years. Originally made as a television series but was expanded to feature length.

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“Brats” (** out of four) was an annoying documentary about the famed “Brat Pack” of the 1980’s as told by narrator/star/director Andrew McCarthy as he reconnects with others from their golden age and vents his frustration about being labeled as a brat. Interesting for a little while especially with its interviews with other stars (Emilio Estevez, Demi Moore, Ally Sheedy) but after a while you might grow tired of McCarthy’s whining and complaining about one word and being called The Brat Pack. By the end you feel like telling him to be thankful for the success he had which millions of other failed actors would have killed for. Conspicuously missing from any mention byetheway is Anthony Michael Hall who probably had better things to do.

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“The Primevals” (*1/2 out of four) was a slapdash hodgepodge about a group of explorers (Juliet Mills, Richard Joseph Paul, and others) who go off in search of a yeti but find themselves under siege from a group of ancient creatures who want to overtake the world. Made predominantly in 1994 but was incomplete for decades due to the death of director David Allen and was only recently finished 30 years later but hardly seems worth the bother. Result is a smorgasbord of sci/fi cliches that would have seemed stale even back then.

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