March 25, 2024 “Immaculate” (*1/2 out of four) was a boring horror thriller about a young woman (Sydney Sweeney) of devout Catholic faith who journeys to the Italian countryside where she is offered a home at an illustrious convent but soon learns that (yawn) there are deadly and ancient forces at work in the church which throw all of them into jeopardy. Yet another dull pseudo-religious thriller about exorcisms, Satan, and paranormal activity; aren’t audiences just about tired of these by now? A few creepy images here-and-there fail to enliven this dreck. Continue reading →
March 24, 2024 “You’ll Never Find Me” (*1/2 out of four) was a static horror thriller about a man (Brendan Rock) who lives in a mobile home and is visited by a young woman (Jordan Cowan) seeking shelter from a violent storm which leads to a long night for the both of them (and the audience). Attempts to be portentous and artful but instead winds up pretentious and inert. Some horror critics thought highly of this but I’m not among them. The two leads try but this still isn’t anything worth “finding.” Continue reading →
March 23, 2024 “Island Of The Dolls” (* out of four) was a desperate horror hodgepodge about a group of people (Beatrice Fletcher, Lewis Sycamore, Howard j. Davey, and others) who go to the title island and learn the unspeakable truth which comes back to life and threatens to kill them all. The kind of movie which makes you appreciate more why “Night Of The Living Dead” (and even it’s underrated 1990 remake) are held in high regards. It’s plodding time-wasters like this that killed the zombie horror genre to begin with. Continue reading →
March 22, 2024 “I Care A Lot” (***1/2 out of four) was a sensationally well-done melodrama about an ambitious and crooked schemer (Rosamund Pike) who makes a living assuming care of elderly patients and then draining them of their savings but she more-than-meets her match when she assumes the care of a new patient (Dianne Wiest) with brutal ties to the Russian mob (led by Peter Dinklage). What starts out as quirky comedy soon turns into a serpentine and multilayered story of teasing dark irony and rich plot twists. Pike is phenomenal in the lead role in an Oscar-caliber performance and she’s enhanced even more by a razor-sharp script and direction from J. Blakeson. Bullseye! Continue reading →
March 22, 2024 “FP 4EVZ” (** out of four) was campy, tongue-in-cheek no-brainer comedy for video-game freaks and stoners about a family of rhythm game warriors (Mike O’Gorman, Jason Trost, and others) who have to battle their way into the future to save what remains of an alcohol civilization before a horrific calamity turns all of society stone-cold sober 4 evz! Opening entry warns viewers that this film is best enjoyed after having at least 3 drinks so you already know what you’re getting into! The kind of movie that is admittedly fun at times and packed with cheesy visual effects but starts to wear out after a while and showcase its emptiness. Trost also wrote and directed and was obviously influenced by a lot of early Cheech And Chong. Continue reading →
March 22, 2024 “I.S.S.” (** out of four) was a curiously flat and detached sci/fi melodrama set aboard an international spaceship comprised of Russian and American astronauts (Ariana DeBose, Chris Messina, John Gallagher Jr, and others) when a conflict breaks out on Earth and they are all given separate orders from their respective countries to take control of the spacecraft by any means necessary. Potentially intriguing and exciting storyline is hampered by humdrum execution. Film is full of visual and thematic derivations from “Apollo 13”, “Crimson Tide”, and (especially) “Ad Astra” but isn’t in the leagues of any of those. Continue reading →
March 22, 2024 “Friday Night Sext Scandal” (** out of four) was a predictable teen melodrama about a high-schooler (Anthony Timpano) who becomes embroiled in a scandal exposing photographs of students at school which snowballs into a firestorm of arrests and near-tragedy. Timpano is winning and charismatic in the lead but film covers all-too-familiar territory and never has the compelling fire that it needs. The subject of “sexting” and online social-media drama is only superficially covered here. Continue reading →
March 22, 2024 “Lisa Frankenstein” (** out of four) was a one-joke horror comedy set in 1989 about a reclusive teenage goth girl (Kathryn Newton) who meets a walking corpse (Cole Sprouse) who she immediately falls in love with and the two embark on a mission of love and acceptance and finding body parts that can bring him back to life. Amusing and campy idea is awkwardly executed and is stretched beyond thin at nearly two hours. ’80’s lovers will enjoy the lively soundtrack and retro costumes and production design. Film marks the directorial debut of Robin Williams’ daughter Zelda Williams. Continue reading →
March 21, 2024 “Frozen Sasquatch” (* out of four) was an abysmal horror thriller about a group of scientists (Titus Himmelberger, Natalie Himmelberger, Noyes J. Lawton, and others) who discover the disappearance of a savage creature that is on the loose who has been frozen for untold amount of years. Lackluster amalgam of sci/fi elements from “The Thing”, “Alien”, “Aliens”, and too many others to mention. Made on the cheap with horrendous sasquatch effects although in fairness the sasquatch is a better actor than most of the humans. Continue reading →
March 17, 2024 “The Phantom Warrior” (* out of four) was a numbingly awful, incoherent action story about the origins of Nemesis Knight (Nicole Bartlett) who became a masked vigilante and an immortal soul in the underworld who does battle with various other criminal figures and malevolent types (Steven Berkoff, Charlie Rawes, and others). Ugly and unpleasant movie is also stupid and boring and makes any of “The Punisher” movies look like masterworks by comparison. Terrible acting is the final nail in the moldy coffin here. Continue reading →
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