Author: dlepikcom

“Snow White And The Seven Samurai” (**1/2 out of four) an agreeably trashy pulp-revenge thriller about a woman (Fiona Dorn) left for dead by her greedy stepmother (Gina Vitori) and is found by a group of samurai women who train her in martial arts and swordplay for her to enact bloody vengeance. Indefensible on a script or story level but director Michael Su works in a grindhouse style that is shamelessly entertainining and most importantly- never stops moving. Eric Roberts picks up a few extra bucks as the girl’s father.

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“Top Gunner: America Vs. Russia” (**1/2 out of four) was a passable action thriller about an assassination attempt on a Russian president (Alex Veadov) while on a visit to the White House leading to all-out war when Russia retaliates and our own President (yes Eric Roberts again) strikes back sending numerous fighter pilots (Andrew Rogers, Kayla Fields, and others) into action to save the world. Third in this series all-too-obviously inspired by “Top Gun” (no kidding) but it’s fast-paced and has enough action and visual effects, if you’re not too demanding.

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“Dagr” (** out of four) was a fairly conventional found-footage horror thriller about a group of YouTube bloggers (Riz Moritz, Ellie Duckles, Tori Butler-Hart, and others) who find themselves in a paranormal nightmare when they accidentally awaken a sinister occult from the past and find that all their lives are in danger. Plodding and dull for the first half but second half does provide some spookiness and scares although even these seem borrowed heavily from “The Blair Witch Project.” Title is Welsh for dagger, in case you were wondering.

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“Escape Pod” (** out of four) was a rehashed sci/fi melodrama about a young astronaut (Patrick Sharn) who awakens in an escape pod with a fellow astronaut (Fallon Gyurko) with no memory of how he got there and has to gradually piece together memories of his past to save himself and his future. Not bad by these film’s standards with some decent filmmaking and effects but never really transcends its derivations and origins from other better movies (“2001”, “The Martian” to name a few). Works best in its final third but you’ll likely want to plan your “escape” before then.

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“The Deadly Swarm” (* out of four) was a deadly awful “horror” thriller about a group of friends (Leona Clarke, Elliott Eason, and others) who attend a medical retreat of a loony doctor (Richard Kovacs) who is doing experiments with people’s minds and insects which unleash a fatal swarm. Yet another film poster in search of a movie, as film has minimal horror and action and the visual effects are pretty tacky. Maybe after this and the notoriously awful “The Swarm”- horror filmmakers should give killer bees a rest.

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“Bittertooth” (1/2 out of four) was an insulting mess about two female podcasters (Genevieve Thomas and Autumn Ivy) who take it upon themselves to track down a brutal serial killer (Joe Altieri) and give him a dose of his own medicine by torturing and murdering him but they find out this is far more difficult than they realized. By the end of this trifle, viewers themselves will feel like they have been subjected to even worse torture. Film rambles in about 10 different directions for most of its length and only some stylish gore at the very end saves this from an absolute zero.

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“Angels Fallen: Warriors Of Peace” (**1/2 out of four) was a corny but combustible sequel to the 2020 original about a war veteran (Josh Burdett) who receives a calling from an angelic higher power (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) and others (Denise Richards, William McNamara, Randy Couture) to prevent an army of the dead from taking over the world. Maudlin and contrived but moves along quickly and efficiently and features so many familiar faces in the cast that it winds up surprisingly watchable. A little long but film’s fiery and exciting final third makes it worth it.

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“Beware The Boogeyman” (* out of four) was incoherent dreck about a new doctor (Elissa Dowling) at a psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane and learns of the new cases from one of the equally insane doctors (Airisa Durand) and the various nutty patients (Chynna Rae Shurts, Rollyn Stafford, and others) she is responsible for. It’s films like this that make you think “Shelter Island” maybe wasn’t quite as bad as when it first came out. By the end of this mess, viewers themselves may feel like checking into a mental institution. “Beware” is right.

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“The Bench” (** out of four) was an overly derivative horror thriller about a woman (Jennifer Byrne) who is rescued by some summer partiers (Matt McClure, Chris Sommerville, and others) and invites them to her vacation house where they soon suspect one of them is a murderer because they all get killed one after another. Film started shooting in 2008 and took 16 years to finish and complete but doesn’t seem worth the effort. Film offers some gore and homages to “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “The Evil Dead” but not enough to distinguish it from lots of others of its ilk.

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“Cocaine Werewolf” (* out of four) was a howlingly awful horror show about a group of friends (Brice Kennedy, Yolie Canales, James Carolus, and others) filming a horror movie of their own in the Pennsylvania woods when a cocaine-infused werewolf shows up and prowls on the set and kills them off one by one. Yet another movie inspired by the bewildering success of “Cocaine Bear” but terrible acting and filmmaking make this a real bad trip. You’ll have more fun (and a lot more scares) attending an N.A. meeting.

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