Author: dlepikcom

“Appendage” (** out of four) was an unpleasant horror psychodrama about a young fashion designer (Hadley Robinson) whose life starts to spiral out of control as her dark inner thoughts begin to manifest into something external and gruesome that won’t stop growing until it takes over (and tries to end) her life. Robinson (who resembles a young Claire Danes) is good in the lead but is overcome by pretentious and cumbersome material. Film’s title is appropriate since it’s made up of “appendages” from other (better) films.

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“Maestro” (** out of four) was a curiously flat biography about legendary film composer Leonard Bernstein (Bradley Cooper) and his lifelong relationship with actress Felicia Montealegre Cohn Bernstein (Carey Mulligan) throughout the years. Star Cooper also directed with lots of reverence but he fails to involve you in Bernstein or make you care much about his character- or thus the movie. Final scenes work the best but film on a whole is pretty aloof and unmoving. Many critics thought this was extraordinary but I’m not among them.

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“Candy Cane Lane” (** out of four) was a harmless but interminable holiday comedy about a family man (Eddie Murphy) who is determined to win the prize for Christmas decorations in his neighborhood and makes a deal with an elf that plunges the town into holiday chaos. Colorfully designed and vibrantly shot and Murphy is solid as always but it goes on forever with hardly enough story to keep it afloat. A few nice moments are sprinkled in the mix but by the end you may feel like saying Humbug. David Alan Grier is nicely cast as Santa Claus; this marks the second collaboration between him, Murphy, and director Reginald Hudlin.

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“In The Land Of Saints And Sinners” (** out of four) was a fairly one-note melodrama set in Ireland in which an Irish hitman (Liam Neeson) is trying to make up for his lifetime of sin and murder but finds that he cannot escape his former lifestyle as he continues to be faced with moral and personal opposition from various friends and members of the underworld (Colm Meaney, Desmond Eastwood, Kerry Condon, and others). Well-acted and remains watchable but missing the dramatic fire and multi-dimensional characterization that this type of film needs to make it really compelling. Second collaboration between Neeson and Meaney and also director Robert Lorenz and is about on par with previous efforts “The Marksman” and “Marlowe.”

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“You’re All Gonna Die” (*1/2 out of four) was a senseless murder melodrama about a group of social justice advocates (Martin Donovan, Lori Petty, Richard Tyson, and others) who raid a campsite in order to find a serial killer but one-by-one they are all systematically killed and they struggle to escape. Filled with cliches and plot fragments from “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “Wrong Turn” and confusingly told in a haphazard style. Collection of promising 80’s/90’s actors holds your interest initially but this film is sadly another reason why their careers soon “died.”

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“Night Of The Missing” (*1/2 out of four) was a terminally weird and arch anthology-horror story set on a stormy Christmas Eve in a small-town in which the sheriff is a killer (Meredith Thomas) and is visited by a strange young woman (Jill Awbrey) who tells her four less-than-enthralling horror stories about other killers and swell holiday folks. Genuinely bizarre without being entertaining, to say nothing of not being scary or funny. Horror cult legend Bill Moseley has a small supporting role but even he isn’t able to turn this into anything watchable.

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“Transmorphers: Mech Beasts” (** out of four) was a robotic sci/fi action thriller set 20 years after the original “Transmorphers” in which a newer and more advanced species of alien robots descend on Earth and threaten to wipe us away into extinction while a group of rogue military operatives (Tom Arnold, Matthew Gademske, Geena Alexandra) attempt to save the planet. Yet another low-budget Asylum cash-in on a much more extravagant mainstream movie (“Transformers” if you had to guess) and seems to have come off an endless assembly line. Having said that, the visual effects are decent and it has enough fast-paced action for those that are not too demanding.

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“Due Justice” (*1/2 out of four) was a terminally grim pulp-vengeance thriller about a former military agent (Kellan Lutz) who hunts down the various elements of a crime organization (led by Jeff Fahey) who killed his wife and brother and abducted his daughter. Sour and unpleasant story leaves a bad aftertaste in your mouth; Lutz is robotic and one-note while Fahey goes in the other direction chewing the scenery with a hammy and laughable performance. Another “Death Wish” clone that will likely die a quick death at Redbox machines.

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“No Way Out” (** out of four) was an unexceptional melodrama about a former attorney (Marques Houston) struggling to cope with life following a traumatic event and gets sucked back into the underworld by a criminal client (Casper Smart) and has to use his psychological skills to survive. Smoothly directed by Chris Stokes and well-acted but film never manages to be all that involving or gripping. Houston also co-wrote and co-produced. For those wondering, this is not a remake of the Kevin Costner/Gene Hackman 1987 classic of the same name.

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“The Dirty South” (** out of four) was a morose melodrama crime-thriller about a bartender (Willa Holland) who has to fight back with everything she has to prevent an organized crime ring (Dermot Mulroney, Shane West, etc.) from taking over her bar which leads to things getting really ugly in the Louisiana bayou where they all converge. Pretty routine and tedious with expected plot turns and events although Holland’s strong performance and atmospheric lensing from Jess Dunlap help to keep it watchable.

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