Author: dlepikcom

“Slotherhouse” (**1/2 out of four) was a mildly engaging horror thriller about a sorority girl (Lisa Ambalavanar) who finds a cute sloth and brings it home to her sorority house (Olivia Rourye, Grace Patterson, Sydney Craven, and others) to be the new house mascot but soon the bodies start piling up and they realize that this sloth isn’t quite as harmless as it seems. Undeniably silly but at least it’s aware of its own absurdity and is done with a good tongue-in-cheek attitude and moves fast. Plus- that sloth is pretty adorable! Fun for ’80’s horror fans and better than most of its type.

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“Hidden Exposure” (** out of four) was an emotionally distant melodrama about a jilted girlfriend (Liana Liberato) who follows her boyfriend (Jordan Rodrigues) to his home and attempts to insinuate herself into his relationship with his new girlfriend (Rumer Willis) and becomes obsessed with breaking them apart and having him back to herself again. Good performances from the three leads (especially Liberato) are eroded by film’s wan and cloudy sense of detachment which prevents you from caring about the characters and thus the film. An honorable attempt by director Todd Bogin who shows definite influences from Adrian Lyne and David Cronenberg here

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“The Cheerleader Sleepover Slaughter” (* out of four) was an abysmal slasher thriller about a wannabe cheerleader (Taylor Herd) who hosts a sleepover event for all of the other cheerleaders (Indica Jane, Sydney Spaulding, Aja Toombs, and others) but one such cheerleader is on a rampage and sets out to systematically kill all of them one-by-one. Dreadful throwback to ’80’s low-budget horror; filled with terrible acting and dialogue which shouldn’t be much of a surprise but film doesn’t even provide much in original kills or any scares. Director Christopher Leto directed the similar “Die Die Delta Pie” and perhaps needs to move on to different material at this point.

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“Captive” (** out of four) was a thinly conceived horror comedy about a group of stoners (Scout Taylor-Compton, Tasie Lawrence, Michael Lovato, and others) who break into a house for a weekend of partying but unfortunately find a man (Cody Frank) chained in the basement who sets out to kill all of them. Not bad by the admittedly low standards of these things, with some decent kills and touches of dark wit, but undercut by annoying characters and routine framework.

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“The Threat Next Door” (** out of four) was a moody but mild suspense thriller about an overworked single mother (Shiva Negar) who meets a friendly neighbor (Kimberly Sue-Murray) to babysit her daughter (Bianca Sas) but soon starts noticing strange and bizarre occurrences that make her think twice that there might be something more sinister underneath her polite veneer. Well-lensed and atmospherically shot by Stephen Chandler Whitehead but film is a rip-off of “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle” that simply doesn’t rock enough and have sufficient surprises or scares.

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“Kiss Of A Rose” (* out of four) was a kiss of death about a beauty (Pristine Edge) who is awoken after 300 years of magical slumber and falls in love with a handsome architect (William Bryant) but finds that there are numerous evil forces out there to steal her happiness and solace and she has to use her sexual dynamics to attempt to ward them off and seal her survival. Mercifully short story is also full of mercilessly bad acting and dialogue. Film’s title was inspired by the Seal song “Kiss From A Rose” but even on that the filmmakers got it wrong; other Seal songs like “Get It Together” and (especially) “A Prayer For The Dying” more aptly describe what it’s like sitting through this.

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“Lyla” (*1/2 out of four) was a disposable horror psychodrama about a troubled husband (Clark Moore) who takes his wife Lyla (Jolene Andersen) and family on a vacation but soon begins to uncover various dark psychological/family/personal secrets of the family that threaten his and everybody’s sanity. Hate to keep sounding like a broken record but this is yet another movie that liberally rips off “The Shining”, right down to a few key film shots, but film unfortunately has not of it’s mesmeric power or grandeur. Decent performances help but not enough.

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“Night Of The Caregiver” (** out of four) was a derivative shock-thriller about a caretaker (Natalie Denise Sperl- who looks like a facelifted Sandra Bullock) who is hired to care for an elderly woman (Eileen Dietz) but soon finds that paranormal activity is occurring in her home which places them both in grave danger. Professionally made and acted but comprised of so many familiar parts from other movies (“The Shining” yet again in particular) that it’s only worth watching for younger fans who haven’t seen any of the movies that it rips off. Director Joe Cornet has a small role as a cop and Eric Roberts shows up in yet another easy paycheck cameo appearance.

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“Weredeer” (* out of four) was a positively dreadful horror thriller about a man (Blair Hoyle) and his girlfriend (Anna Broadway) who travel to a cabin to vacation with his family; when she is suddenly bitten by a deer, strange occurrences begin happening and she suddenly turns into a ravenous flesh-eating werewolf killer. Grueling attempt at low-rent horror is loaded with terrible dialogue and even worse acting. Film was actually shot about 20 minutes from where “Deliverance” was filmed but the film this actually rips off the most is “The Howling.”

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“The Amityville Curse” (** out of four) was a tepid horror melodrama about a group of friends (Brendan Fehr, Vanessa Smythe, Ennis Esmer, and others) who buy the notorious Amityville house intending to flip it for a profit but soon discover an unholy paranormal evil within the house that intends on destroying them all. Umpteenth movie to use the “Amityville” name is far from the worst but nowhere near its best and is mostly a run-of-the-mill haunted house movie. A few minor jolts and some decent acting help to keep it watchable but it’s about time we let this house and horror series rust in peace.

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