March 16, 2023 “The Nightmare Nanny” (*1/2 out of four) was a hackneyed horror melodrama about a young couple (Ashley Scott and Kip Pardue) who hire a nanny (Mekenna Melvin) to care for their daughter but soon realize all-too-late that she is a serious sicko who is trying to invade and overturn their lives. Result is so obvious and so predictable and permeated with cliches that some viewers will be forgiven for thinking it’s a parody of suspense movies but unfortunately it’s not funny either. More than 30 years ago, “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle” told the same story with a lot more serpentine style and tension. Continue reading →
March 15, 2023 “Punch” (** out of four) was a jumbled melodrama about a young man (Jordan Oosterhof) who is preparing for his first professional boxing fight but begins to re-think his life and also his sexuality when he spars with a gay boxer (Conan Hayes) and this brings the involvement and disapproval of his father (Tim Roth). Audacious subject matter is blandly realized and as a result is more of a mild hit than a TKO. Roth adds some spice and style as always and Oosterhof is good in a challenging role. This won some awards at the New Zealand Film Festival and Palm Springs International Festival. Continue reading →
March 14, 2023 “Cocaine Bear” (** out of four) was a brainless horror comedy set in the 1980’s in Georgia when a large black bear unintentionally ingests a large batch of cocaine and goes on a murderous rampage while numerous locals (Keri Russell, O’shea Jackson Jr, Ray Liotta, and others) scramble to stay alive. Amusing only in parts and never as funny, scary, or ferocious as it could have been and should have been, especially since it’s based on a true story! An odd directorial effort from Elizabeth Banks who makes even odder choices of song selections (film plays Depeche Mode’s “I Just Can’t Get Enough” during an attack scene). Sadly, this was Liotta’s final film. Continue reading →
March 14, 2023 “Girl In The Closet” (** out of four) was a superficial melodrama based on a true story of a young girl (Brielle Oliver) whose mother dies and is sent to live with her malicious aunt (Tami Roman) who enslaves kids and their relatives in a closet that leads to her basement. Good performances (especially by Roman) do all they can to hold your interest in this earnest but unpleasant story. Remy Ma is solid in a key role but you can only hope that her agents and managers start cookin’ up some better roles for her sometime soon. Continue reading →
March 14, 2023 “Church Of Darkness” (*1/2 out of four) was a tacky melodrama about a Bible-quoting teen outcast (Wesley Restrepo) who is new to a redneck Florida town where he discovers a secret underground society called The Wheelmakers who intend on murdering the whole town and he finds his faith put to the test as he attempts to thwart them and keep his town and his religious honor intact. Part religious drama, part coming-of-age teen angst story, part pseudo-philosophical horror story and an all around mess. Film’s special-effects climax looks like it was made on someone’s old CD-ROM. Continue reading →
March 13, 2023 “The Wrong Housesitter” (*1/2 out of four) was an overly dumb and illogical suspense thriller about a man (Jason Shane-Scott) who moves into his dream house and has to hire a young girl (Anna Marie Dobbins) to watch the house while he’s away and he finds out too litle and too late that she is (what else?) a nutjob intent on taking over his life. Yet another entry in co-star/co-producer Vivica A. Fox’s “wrong” series with incredible lapses in logic and weak performance from Scott. It’s about time Fox started making some right decisions and left this series behind. Continue reading →
March 13, 2023 “Battle For Saipan” (** out of four) was a serviceable WWII melodrama set in the title battle in which a tough medic (Casper Van Dien) finds that the Japanese forces have overtaken his U.S. hospital and has to lead other soldiers (Louis Mandylor, Jeff Fahey, and others) to fight back and to safety. A “G.I. Joe” version of WWII with lots of jingoism, hand-to-hand combat, and gunfights but don’t look for anything regarding historical depth or writing profundity. Guess you wouldn’t expect much else from former heavy-metal singer and writer/director Brandon Slagle. Beware of Van Dien’s shifting Brooklyn accent. Continue reading →
March 12, 2023 “Champions” (*1/2 out of four) was a cliche-strewn “inspirational” sports drama about a stubborn minor-league basketball coach (Woody Harrelson) who gets busted for a D.W.I. arrest and accident and is sentenced to community service and coaching a team of young kids with disabilities. Naturally, they can’t seem to play at all at first but then…….Obvious cross-pollination of “The Mighty Ducks” combined with “Bad News Bears” combined with “Coach Carter”and virtually every other grumpy coach/sports underdog movie you can think of. Even Harrelson seems to be rehashing bits and pieces from other and better performances. A major disappointment from director Bobby Farrelly; this cannot come close to matching his and Harrelson’s previous sports collaboration “Kingpin.” Continue reading →
March 11, 2023 “65” (** out of four) was a middling sci/fi adventure story about an astronaut (Adam Driver) who crashlands on a mysterious planet but soon discovers that he is on Earth 65 million years ago and he finds another lone survivor (Ariana Greenblatt) and together they have to journey across an unknown terrain filled with dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures in order to survive. Congenitally derivative story with some parts “Jurassic Park” and some parts “The New World” although the film this may remind you the most of is the Will Smith debacle “After Earth.” Film has some good action scenes and visual effects but is still something you’ve seen at least 65 times already by now. Continue reading →
March 11, 2023 “Scream VI” (**1/2 out of four) was an overall proficient horror sequel set in NYC and follows the main survivor from the previous entry (Melissa Barrera) and her friends and family and how they relocate after the Woodsboro murders but find that yet another homicidal murderer has donned the Ghostface persona and is on the loose. Has the requisite amount of scares, kills, and tongue-in-cheek humor that fans expect from this series and a few strong set pieces………but enough already! A definite improvement over the previous entry but this still bears the mark of a series past its freshness and expiration date. First in the series without scream queen Neve Campbell but Barrera more than holds her own in the lead. Continue reading →
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