Category: Uncategorized

“First Round Down” (*1/2 out of four) was a first movie to avoid about a former hockey star turned pizza deliverer and hitman (Dylan Bruce) who returns to his hometown to care for his younger brother but comic foils from his past come back to haunt him. Potentially funny story of a former hockey player turning into a down-on-his-luck assassin is undone by dumb writing and slapdash plotting. Yet another Coen Bros/Tarantino wannabe that comes up short and fires blanks.

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“Granny Of The Dead” (** out of four) was an umpteenth “living dead” movie about a young man (Marcus Carroll) in London who awakens and suddenly finds that his grandmother has become one of the walking dead and he is trapped in his house while he tries to stay alive. Neither the best nor worst of its type but you’ve seen it all before and done better, especially in George Romero’s “Night Of The Living Dead” which gave birth to this genre nearly 50 years ago. At least this moves quick and has flashes of macabre wit.

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“The Saint” (**1/2 out of four) was an intermittently entertaining remake of the 1960’s television series about Simon Templar aka The Saint (Adam Rayner) who is hired by a desperate rich man (James Remar) to find his kidnapped daughter but finds that he may be in over his head by having to evade the Feds and also a dangerous adversary from his childhood. A definite improvement over the 1997 fiasco with Val Kilmer but what was intriguing and stylish in the 1960’s comes off as tame and old-hat now. Made in 2013 as a television movie and then sat on the shelf where it didn’t age like fine wine. Original saint Roger Moore has a cameo at the very end in his final role.

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“Blind” (*1/2 out four) was an unsightly melodrama about the wife (Demi Moore) of a corrupt businessman (Dylan McDermott) who are both arrested and she is sentenced to community service to helping a former novelist turned blind invalid (Alec Baldwin); they hate each other at first but gradually they melt each other’s defense mechanisms and fall in love. Interesting at first but story soon sputters and turns hokey and banal. Reunites Moore and Baldwin after “The Juror” but they’re both wasted on this material; McDermott fares best as Moore’s sociopathic husband but he should keep his eyes open for better scripts.

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“Darker Shades Of Elise” (** out of four) was a sexy but empty thriller about a sensuous woman (Darcie Lincoln) who begins a steamy affair with a mysterious stranger but their relationship soon becomes an odyssey of obsession, eroticism, and danger. Plenty of sex scenes as you might expect with a title ripped off from “Fifty Shades” but story and characters are hard to care about and thus movie is hard to get involved in. Although come to think of it- this is better than both “Fifty Shades Of Grey” and “Fifty Shades Darker.” Lincoln is a real beauty in the lead role.

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“Turbulence” (**1/2 out of four) was a slick and entertaining action thriller about an FBI agent (Dina Meyer) on an airplane flight for a major corruption case who is terrorized by a mysterious woman (Victoria Pratt) sitting next to her who tells her that her family is being held hostage and unless she destroys incriminating evidence in the case- they will all be murdered. Nerve-wracking thriller has the usual plotholes and illogical plot developments but is carried along by tense direction and Meyer’s strong and believable performance. No relation to the Ray Liotta 1997 thriller of the same name but bears more than a little resemblance to Wes Craven’s 2005 overlooked thriller “Red Eye.”

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“Bank” (*1/2 out of four) was an utterly stupid urban action melodrama about two street rivals (Jah and Cleave Cadle) who must put aside their differences after ripping each other off when they join forces to rob a bank. Jah shows some promise with both his acting and directing but Cadle’s annoying character and performance and some dumb dialogue helps run this into the ground. Plenty of firepower but little in the way of story originality and final bank heist and highway chase is pretty tacky. Both characters actually sit around watching “Set It Off” in one key scene to give them full justification for robbing and ripping that movie off.

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“Simple Creature” (** out of four) was a simple-minded and predictable story of a college student (Alycia Delmore) who gets into a near-fatal bus accident and is revived and reborn through hybrid technology by her scientist father but this leads to many complications and consequences for the both of them. Potentially intriguing story of science and consumerism and its personal effects on personal relationships has some interesting ideas but never fully takes off. Similar story was better utilized and realized in Wes Craven’s 1986 “Deadly Friend.”

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“Hickok” (** out of four) was a lackadaisical Western about the legendary “Wild Bill” Hickok (Luke Helmsworth) who rides into a lawless cow-town and is hired by a world-weary sherriff (Kris Kristofferson) to restore law and order but his gunslinging and fighting are put to the test by a corrupt businessman (Trace Adkins) and his gang. Third telling of the Wild Bill legend is too slow-going and familiar although Helmsworth’s charismatic performance and first-rate supporting cast help liven it up. Bruce Dern plays the town doctor and interestingly played a key role in Walter Hill’s 1995 previous biography “Wild Bill.”

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