August 17, 2016 “Planet Of The Sharks” (*1/2 out of four) was a toothless shark sci/fi fizzle set in the near future in which glacial melting has overtaken Earth and sharks now dominate the planet and operate as a massive school led by a mutated alpha shark. So crummy and low-rent it makes any of the awful “Jaws” sequels look like Hitchcock by comparison. Many of the sharks are better actors than the humans. Watch “Planet Of The Apes” instead. Continue reading →
August 17, 2016 “Pete’s Dragon” (** out of four) was a leaden remake of the 1977 Disney classic about a young orphan named Pete (Oakes Fegley) and his best friend Elliot who is a dragon and how they’re taken in by a kindly family (Bryce Dallas Howard, Wes Bentley, and Robert Redford). Lacks the magic and fun of the original and takes way too long to get going although it’s touching final half-hour almost make it worthwhile to sit through. Howard is terrific as a forest ranger who first finds young Pete and Redford is well-cast as her lovable dad. Continue reading →
August 17, 2016 “Nerve” (** out of four) was a flashy but empty, monotonous thriller about a high-school senior (Emma Roberts) who becomes immersed in an online game called Nerve, a truth-or-dare game to dangerous extremes, where her life becomes manipulated and analyzed by an anonymous group of watchers. Some interesting commentary about our culture of social media and digital entertainment combined with a few hair-raising sequences may make this worthwhile for its teen target audience but underneath it, the story is thin and gets tiresome after a while. Interestingly, star Emma Roberts is Julia Roberts’ niece and her on-screen boyfriend Dave Franco is James Franco’s brother. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “Ozark Sharks” (*1/2 out of four) was an uninspired sci/fi fizzle about deadly sharks who infiltrate freshwater Arkansas lakes and find there are plenty of young people on the menu. It must be Shark Week given all the shark movies that have been released but do they all have to be so toothless and stupid? Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “Amateur Night” (*** out of four) was a funny comedy about an out-of-work architect (Jason Biggs) with a new child on the way who in desperation takes a job as a Craigslist driver, only to learn that it’s a job driving a prostitute (Janet Montgomery) and her various friends and clients. Biggs (of “American Pie” fame) has never been better and makes this movie endearing and entertaining, despite its seamy subject matter. Opening phone call scene is especially funny. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “Atomic Shark” (*1/2 out of four) was an atomically dumb sci/fi horror pic about a murderous shark composed of atomic radiation who wreaks havoc on the coast of San Diego and one gorgeous lifeguard (Rachele Brooke Smith) who attempts to lead a team to stop it. Laughably bad special effects and acting turns this into an unintentional comedy. “Jaws” had more thrills and laughs in its first 20 minutes than this fiasco does in an hour-and-a-half. Say “farewell and adieu” to this and watch that classic again instead. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “Dark Cove” (* out of four) was an irritatingly stupid Redbox horror thriller about five friends who go camping on the Vancouver Island but plans go awry when they meet up with two Australian surfers which leads to chaos and murder. Staggeringly awful screenplay is made all the worse by unlikeable characters and bad performances. It’s movies like these that killed the horror genre in the ’80’s before “Scream” resurrected it back in 1996. Star Rob Willey was also the director/co-writer/editor and bears most of the blame for this junk. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “The Mind’s Eye” (** out of four) was an ugly sci/fi melodrama about two teenagers (Graham Skipper and Lauren Ashley Carter) born with psychokinetic abilities. Upon learning about this, an evil doctor (John Speredakos) captures them and attempts to harvest their abilities for his own sinister purposes but they later escape and he attempts to pursue them. Visually striking at times and built on a foundation of some interesting ideas but story becomes increasingly gory and unpleasant. Director Joe Begos shows some promise but David Cronenberg and David Lynch did stories like these to excellent effect in the early ’80’s. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “The Amityville Terror” (*1/2 out of four) was a low-rent entry in the endless series of “Amityville” stories but may as well have been called “Paranormal Insidious Sinister Haunting Activity” because it tells the exact same story of a family moving into a haunted house which leads to strange occurrences and murder. Umpteenth entry in this series again begs the question of how many times you can re-tell the exact same story over and over. If you must, re-watch the original 1979 “Amityville Horror” or its 2005 remake with Ryan Reynolds. Continue reading →
August 13, 2016 “2 Lava 2 Lantula” (* out of four) was an utterly dumb sequel to “Lavalantula” which I don’t think anyone was exactly crying out for. Once again, A-list movie star Colton West (Steve Guttenberg) must save the city and walk off the set off his multimillion dollar blockbuster action when a new breed of lava-flowing tarantulas are unleashed! Cheesy effects combined with bad acting and dumb writing make this really tough going. Numerous pop-cultural references (the main colonel is Col. Nathan Jester, one character is named Zed only to recite the line “Zed’s dead honey”) are especially lame. Movie reunites Guttenberg with his old comedy alum Michael Winslow but they would have been much better setting fire to this script and making “Police Academy 8” instead. Continue reading →
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