“Ballerina: From The World Of John Wick” (** out of four) was an interminable spin-off of the blockbuster series about a female assassin (Ana de Armas) out to avenge the death of her father and encounters deadly treachery and duplicity at every turn as she fights to stay alive. Drenched in style and action like most of the “John Wick” entries but also like those entries it becomes numbing and endless and resembles a video-game more than a film. Keanu Reeves shows up in a few key scenes as Mr. Wick. Directed by Len Wiseman but was re-edited and re-shot by original series creator Chad Stahelski. For Wick completists and fanatics, this supposedly takes place after the 3rd film.

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“Caught Stealing” (** out of four) was an ungainly pulp melodrama set in 1990’s NYC about a former baseball player (Austin Butler) who falls on hard times and becomes embroiled in the criminal underworld and locks horns with a street-smart cop (Regina King) who tries to outmaneuver him at every turn. Vibrant and gritty NYC atmosphere harks back to early period John Cassavetes or Nick Gomez but the central character and story are unappealing and thus uninvolving. A huge disappointment from director Darren Aronofsky who has done far better and richer character studies in the past. King is strong as usual but there’s otherwise not much else worth “stealing” here.

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“The Naked Gun” (** out of four) was a half-cocked remake of the 1988 comedy classic about the son (Liam Neeson) of Frank Drebbin who is just as bumbling as his dad as he investigates a ruthless businessman (Danny Huston) and falls in comic love with a femme fatale (Pamela Anderson). Opens with a very funny bank robbery scene and has some solid laughs in following half-hour but then fizzles out and goes flat and never recovers and is nowhere near as uproarious as the original (or any of its sequels). Neeson is game in one of his first comedy roles but can’t overcome the overall weak material.

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“The Toxic Avenger” (*1/2 out of four) was a mindless remake of the unwatchable 1984 Trauma horror comedy that somehow is now regarded as “a cult classic”; once again, a nerd janitor (Peter Dinklage) becomes transformed by toxic chemicals into a bloodthirsty avenger and does battle with a sinister underworld villain (Kevin Bacon- and what the hell is he doing in this movie?). Nowhere near as toxically awful and inept as the original and is colorfully shot by Dana Gonzales but still pretty ugly and stupid. For diehard toxie/Trauma fans only. Filmed in 2023 and languished on the shelf for years.

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“First Moon” (0 stars out of four) was an excruciating horror clunker about a young waitress (Lauren Esposito) who is abducted by a sadistic religious cult who believe she has (get this) a sexually transmitted disease from a werewolf and that she has to be given a religious exorcism to purge herself but she has to fight back and escape before the arrival of the first moon. Or something like that. Hard to tell which is more painful, the lead-footed and inept direction or lead Esposito’s ANNOYING (let me re-emphasize that word) screams but either way it’s an unwatchable bore. This fiasco makes even the crummiest “Exorcism” sequel look like “Psycho” by comparison.

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“The Haunting At Jack The Ripper’s House” (*1/2 out of four) was a drably done horror thriller about a group of YouTube paranormal investigators (Natasha Tosini, Stephen Staley, Kelly Rian Sanson and others) who set out to show their audience that they are not faking their haunts by camping out in old Jack’s house but soon find to their dismay that their is a Jack copycat killer running amok. Trivial timewaster full of annoying characters you can’t wait to see slashed. Film’s title makes little sense since Jack The Ripper’s identity- and thus his address- was to this day unknown.

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“Deer Camp ’86” (* out of four) was a turkey in deer’s clothing about a group of moronic friends (Noah LaLonde, Jay J. Bidwell, Arthur Cartwright, and others) who travel to Detroit for a camping/hunting trip and (yawn) find out that they’re really the ones being hunted by a malevolent force with murderous intentions. Film’s title is somewhat appropriate since most of the actors look deers-in-headlights and even the murder scenes are botched and badly staged. Set for no apparent reason in 1986; for no apparent reason should you see this either.

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“Mauler” (*1/2 out of four) was a pretty awful horror thriller about a group of friends (Kate Noel, Breck Cuddy, Tanya Champoux, and others) who enter a creepy murder house and a $25,000 dark-web contest but soon find that there is a maniac on the loose who’s intent on killing them one-by-one on camera. Inept timewaster practically mauls the audience with terrible acting and dialogue. Incredibly- this film seems inspired by (and rips off) the even worse “Halloween: Resurrection” and “The Blair Witch Project 2.” Can’t ANYONE make an effective horror movie these days???

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“Witchboard” (0 stars out of four) was a worthless remake of the superior (and underrated) 1986 cult classic about a couple (Madison Iseman and Aaron Dominguez) who play around with a ouija board and awaken and summon a dark spirit that haunts them and threatens to kill them and everyone around them. Unbearably dull collection of cliches from various ouija-horror movies with cheap production values and tacky filmmaking being the icing on the moldy cake. And it goes on (what feels like) forever! A major disappointment and step down from director Chuck Russell who in better days directed one of Arnold’s best movies “Eraser.”

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“Freakier Friday” (** out of four) was a superficial sequel to the 2003 smash about the continuing misadventures of mom-and-daughter (Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan) and her daughter’s now-teenage daughter (Julia Butters) and how they all have a personality swap and extended identity crisis. Enthusiastic performances from its high-spirited cast help but it’s awfully thin stuff and runs out of steam (and story) far before its 2 hours are up. A bright finale might make you smile anyway. Fans of the original (I wasn’t) might like this better.

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