“Kiss Of A Rose” (* out of four) was a kiss of death about a beauty (Pristine Edge) who is awoken after 300 years of magical slumber and falls in love with a handsome architect (William Bryant) but finds that there are numerous evil forces out there to steal her happiness and solace and she has to use her sexual dynamics to attempt to ward them off and seal her survival. Mercifully short story is also full of mercilessly bad acting and dialogue. Film’s title was inspired by the Seal song “Kiss From A Rose” but even on that the filmmakers got it wrong; other Seal songs like “Get It Together” and (especially) “A Prayer For The Dying” more aptly describe what it’s like sitting through this.

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“Lyla” (*1/2 out of four) was a disposable horror psychodrama about a troubled husband (Clark Moore) who takes his wife Lyla (Jolene Andersen) and family on a vacation but soon begins to uncover various dark psychological/family/personal secrets of the family that threaten his and everybody’s sanity. Hate to keep sounding like a broken record but this is yet another movie that liberally rips off “The Shining”, right down to a few key film shots, but film unfortunately has not of it’s mesmeric power or grandeur. Decent performances help but not enough.

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“Night Of The Caregiver” (** out of four) was a derivative shock-thriller about a caretaker (Natalie Denise Sperl- who looks like a facelifted Sandra Bullock) who is hired to care for an elderly woman (Eileen Dietz) but soon finds that paranormal activity is occurring in her home which places them both in grave danger. Professionally made and acted but comprised of so many familiar parts from other movies (“The Shining” yet again in particular) that it’s only worth watching for younger fans who haven’t seen any of the movies that it rips off. Director Joe Cornet has a small role as a cop and Eric Roberts shows up in yet another easy paycheck cameo appearance.

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“Weredeer” (* out of four) was a positively dreadful horror thriller about a man (Blair Hoyle) and his girlfriend (Anna Broadway) who travel to a cabin to vacation with his family; when she is suddenly bitten by a deer, strange occurrences begin happening and she suddenly turns into a ravenous flesh-eating werewolf killer. Grueling attempt at low-rent horror is loaded with terrible dialogue and even worse acting. Film was actually shot about 20 minutes from where “Deliverance” was filmed but the film this actually rips off the most is “The Howling.”

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“The Amityville Curse” (** out of four) was a tepid horror melodrama about a group of friends (Brendan Fehr, Vanessa Smythe, Ennis Esmer, and others) who buy the notorious Amityville house intending to flip it for a profit but soon discover an unholy paranormal evil within the house that intends on destroying them all. Umpteenth movie to use the “Amityville” name is far from the worst but nowhere near its best and is mostly a run-of-the-mill haunted house movie. A few minor jolts and some decent acting help to keep it watchable but it’s about time we let this house and horror series rust in peace.

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“Terror Train 2” (** out of four) was a sub-routine slasher thriller about the surviving members (Robyn Alomar, Nadine Bhabha, and others) who are coerced to reunite and re-board the same train once again but an uninvited guest has boarded again and starts killing them all again one by one. Film is a sequel to the 2022 remake of the 1980 original…..but it’s really just more-of-the-same with the same story and plot gimmicks. Seriously, the 1980 original wasn’t that great to begin with

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“Retribution” (*1/2 out of four) was a fizzled action thriller about a bank executive and loving father (Liam Neeson) who is driving his children (Lilly Aspell and Jack Champion) to school when he receives a call informing him that his car will explode if he stops children and attempts to get out and he has to continue driving all-the-while trying to figure how to outsmart the killer and stay alive. Jagged premise combines elements of both “Speed” and “Locke” but result is dreary and forgettable. This is the third remake of the Spanish 2015 film of the same name but this runs out of gas pretty quickly.

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“The Dive” (**1/2 out of four) was a good-looking but empty and overly familiar suspense thriller about two sisters (Louisa Krause and Sophie Lowe) who go on a perilous dive in remote waters; when one of them is hit by a rock and trapped roughly 30 meters below the surface and facing depleting oxygen and frigid temperatures, the other sister races against time to save her. Beautiful underwater cinematography from Frank Griebe and a few harrowing moments make this worthwhile although it falters storywise and is derivative of other underwater thrillers. Film is actually a remake of the 2020 Norway thriller “Breaking Surface” but owes more than a bit to the same-titled thriller “The Dive” and also “Underwater.”

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“Happy Birthday” (** out of four) was a curiously glum and flat horror thriller about a young woman (Maddie Henderson) whose friends (Angel Pean, Kim Sandwich, and others) take her to a haunted house for her birthday present but there is (yawn) an escaped killer on the loose. Yet another throwback to ‘80’s horror movies but duds like these were a lot more fun back then and done with more flair and conviction. Henderson’s sincere performance helps keep this on track, at least for a little while. No relation to any of the “Happy Death Day” movies.

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“Murdercise” (0 stars out of four) was a Godawful horror comedy about a fitness nerd (Kansas Bowling) who is hired to work on a sleazy workout video and after facing ridicule from friends and co-workers, she befriends a mafia daughter (Nina Lanee Kent) who teachers her to murder her way to the top of the aerobics business. Stupid and sleazy enough to insult anyone’s intelligence, with horrendous acting that literally needs to be seen to be (dis)believed but that is by no means a recommendation. With a title like that, you know not to expect Oscar material but this still plumbs new depths.

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