“Cobweb” (** out of four) was a moldy collection of horror cliches about an 8-year old (Woody Norman) who starts hearing voices from within the walls of his house which unearth the sinister truth behind the facade of his picture-perfect parents (Lizzy Caplan and Antony Starr) and perilous secrets they may be hiding. Yet another “Sixth Sense”/”Shining”/”Sinister” knockoff about a possessed child and paranormal activity but marginally better than others in the genre due to good acting and proficient filmmaking. Film is actually based on the Edgar Allen Poe short story “The Telltale Heart.”

Continue reading →

“Hitmen” (* out four) was a thuddingly awful action thriller that fires all blanks about a billionaire CEO (Eric Roberts) who seeks vengeance over the murder of his grandson and attracts a group of competing international hitmen (Charles Rawes, Vas Blackwood, and others) all bloodthirsty and vying for the job. Joyless movie made my filmmakers who spent too much time watching Michael Mann, Quentin Tarantino, and The Coen Bros growing up. Roberts walks through yet another easy-paycheck role.

Continue reading →

“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem” (*** out of four) was a lively animated action adventure about the Turtles (voices of Micah Abbey, Shamon Brown Jr, Nicolas Cantu, Brady Noon) who team up with April O’Neill (voice of Ayo Edebiri) to save NYC from an army of mutants (voiced by Seth Rogen, John Cena, and others) on the rise. Far from groundbreaking in terms of its story or animation but is fast-paced and entertaining and packed with great soundtrack selections. Film includes several homages to previous “Turtles” films, including snippets of (yes) Vanilla Ice’s “Ninja Rap” in one scene.

Continue reading →

“Mob Land” (*1/2 out of four) was an enervated small-town crime melodrama about a cynical sheriff (John Travolta) who tries to keep the peace when a family man (Jake Arzola) and his brother-in-law (Kevin Dillon) plot a criminal act which alerts the attention of a violent enforcer (Stephen Dorff) from the New Orleans mafia and a bloodbath and crossfire ensues. Hungover mixture of elements from the Coen Bros. and also the similarly titled “Cop Land”; Dorff stands out as usual but most of the other cast are completely wasted.

Continue reading →

“Subspecies V: Bloodrise” (*1/2 out of four) was a junky horror thriller which should win an award for most unnecessary sequel of the year; in ancient times, the creature Radu (Anders Hove) is stolen by crusaders on the night of his birth and has no knowledge of his bloodline and is trained by a brotherhood of murderous monks to reclaim the holy relic of The Bloodstone which leads him to trying to find his true origins and place in the world. Fifth entry in this series is inexplicably the first entry in over 25 years and is allegedly a prequel to the original but it’s full of shoddy effects and sets and is for hard-core fans of the series ONLY (whoever those are).

Continue reading →

“Alien Invasion” (** out of four) was an obvious horror thriller about a group of friends (Sarah T. Cohen, May Kelly, and Amber Doig-Thorne) who are at a vacation home and find a large egg of which they later find blossoms into a full-grown alien which threatens them all and threatens worldwide destruction. Result is such a blatant imitation of “Alien” and “Alien Nation” (right down to its title nonetheless and also opening credits) that you have to give filmmakers credit for their audacity but having said that- it’s relatively well-made on a low budget and has some decent acting. Hardly the worst or best of its genre but still remains watchable.

Continue reading →

“Sons Of Summer” (** out of four) was a totally predictable melodrama about a group of surfer boys (Christopher Pate, Joe Davidson, Jonathan Weir) who go on a surfing safari to honor the memory of one of the deceased former members of the group which soon turns deadly. Film offers some pretty scenery and surfing footage but “The Endless Summer” this is not (nor “Back To The Beach”). Of interest mostly to film fans for the supporting role of “Once Were Warriors” robust actor Temeura Morrison but he’s mostly wasted here.

Continue reading →

“Til Death To Us Part” (* out of four) was an incoherent jumble about a woman (Natalie Burn) who decides to bail on her wedding and has to thwart her angry fiance (Jason Patric) and his various killer groomsmen (Cam Gigandet, Orlando Jones, Pancho Moler, and others) to survive the night when they all are out for her blood. Viewers will likely find it equally as hard, if not worse, to survive the film. Film strains to be stylish and hip in the vein of early Tarantino/Coen Bros but is muddled and stupid. It’s films like this that unfortunately led to the careers of Gigandet and Patric having a quick “death.”

Continue reading →

“Island Escape” (** out of four) was a jaded horror potboiler set on the island of Gran Manan in which a group of mercenaries (Chris Cimperman, Grant Schumacher, Michael L. Parker, and others) are hired by a ruthless millionaire (William Champion) to rescue his daughter (Ariella Mastroiani) but soon realized that the island is on a time loop which resets every 3 days and they are also besieged by evil and otherworldly forces. Fast-moving enough to be watchable but film is only made for those who never saw “Night Of The Living Dead” (or its remakes) or “World War Z.” By this point, the post-apocalyptic/zombie genre needs its own infusion of fresh blood and ideas.

Continue reading →