Author: dlepikcom

“Helen Razor” (* out of four) was an absolute snooze about the title girl (Chloe Mantripp) and her stepfather (Gary Grant) who arrive in Germany but are desperately struggling financially so she takes it upon herself to be the provider to the household by robbing and killing innocent victims and turning the streets of Germany into a bloodbath. Dull in the extreme and doesn’t even offer the saving grace of cheap thrills or scares or any humor; if the title is supposed to be a play on words, this makes the “Hellraiser” remake (or any of its sequels) look like Masterpiece Theater by comparison.

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“They Are Watching” (** out of four) was a tame horror mockumentary about two friends (Keegan Macy and J.M. Stelly) who decide to explore the underbelly of the dark web and instead find themselves in danger from a group who is involved with online torture rooms. Has a few good scenes initially and both characters are ruminative and intelligent but it becomes wearying after a while and starts to dissipate. Not bad but you’ll likely want to stop “watching” after about 45 minutes. Stelly also wrote and directed.

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“Crystal Lake” (* out of four) was an abysmal timewaster about a group of friends (Karie Gwen, Jackie Imala, Tyler Jones-Palmer, and others) who go to a vacation house for a weekend of partying but are besieged by (loud yawn) a homicidal killer and cops (Joe Tyler and Dan Ferry) who are a little off their rocker. Title is an obvious allusion for horror fans to “Friday The 13th” (a creepy neighbor is also named Jason for an extra nudge in the ribs) but all similarities end there, as film is pointless, stupid, and boring. Imala’s spunky performance is film’s sole virtue.

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“Place Of Bones” (** out of four) was a superfluous melodrama set in 1876 in which a determined mother (Heather Graham) is alone on a remote ranch with her daughter but tries to adamantly defend it against a gang of ruthless outlaws who want her out. Well-made and features a solid performance from Graham as usual but she’s about a century too contemporary for this type of role and period piece. Film keeps you watching but is never as riveting or as involving as you want.

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“The Crow” (* out of four) was an inferior-in-every-way remake of the 1994 gothic masterpiece about a young man (Bill Skarsgard) and his girlfriend (FKA Twigs) who are brutally murdered by underworld thugs (Danny Huston, Laura Birn, and others) and he is resurrected from the grave to traverse the world of the living and the dead to enact revenge. With all the searing emotional power and mesmerizing visual poetry of the original removed (and even the action scenes poorly staged and shot), what’s left is a routine revenge thriller and a desecration of what writer thought was the best graphic-novel adaptation of all time. Some things literally need to rest in peace.

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“Jurassic Triangle” (** out of four) was a serviceable sci/fi smorgasborg about a group of scientists (Chrissie Wunna, Danielle Scott, Sian Altman, and others) who crashland on an ancient island and discover they are not alone and there are a group of blood-thirsty dinosaurs out on the prowl and they have to fight back to escape and survive. Yet another knockoff of “Jurassic Park”/”Jurassic World” (hence the title) without many surprises but having said that- the acting is solid, the visual effects are strong, and it remains watchable throughout.

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“Sky Monster” (*1/2 out of four) was a tacky sci/fi thriller about a group of friends (Betsy-Blue English, May Kelly, Evangelina Burton, and others) who are partying on a plane when they are sucked into the Bermuda Triangle and are overtaken by an unholy monster who attempts to derail the plane and kill them all one-by-one. Redeemed only by some good visual effects in the final third but by then film is too far gone for it to matter. A few scenes may remind you of “Snakes On A Plane” but unfortunately Samuel L. Jackson is not present here.

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