Category: Uncategorized

“6 Ways To Die” (** out of four) was a wearisome melodrama thriller about a mysterious underworld figure named John Doe (Vinnie Jones) out for revenge against a narcotics distributor (Michael Rene Walton) and aims to take 6 things away from him that he loves in a turf war that becomes a bloody game of cat-and-mouse. Better-than-average and holds your attention with its style and violence for its first half but story gets monotonous after a while and you’ll eventually be numbed by the sleaze. ’90’s stars Tom Sizemore, Vivica Fox, and Dominique Swain pick up a few extra bucks in wasted supporting roles.

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“SAF3” (** out of four) was a mediocre collusion of “Baywatch” and “Firestorm”, if that sounds entertaining or even watchable to you, about an elite Souther California rescue task force on the water led by a fearless former military captain (Dolph Lundgren) who coordinates daunting rescue missions in the sea and on burning land. Fairly fast-paced but still pretty nondescript and disposable. Where is David Hasselhoff when you need him? Lundgren attempts to dance in film’s final scene but his dancing is as laughably stiff as his acting.

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“I Still See You” (*1/2 out of four) was a hokey supernatural thriller that probably won’t be seen by many about an apocalyptic event that kills millions and leaves the world inhabited by ghosts. Ten years later, a disaffected high-school student (Bella Thorne) begins to see said ghosts which leads to her alliance with a mysterious stranger in school (Richard Harmon) and her increasingly bizarre relationship with one of her teachers (Dermot Mulroney) who may not be as nice as he seems. Well-made, with some striking cinematography and art direction, but story gradually decays into sheer corn and gets more outlandish (and confusing) as it goes on and on for almost two hours.

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“Secret Santa” (* out of four) was a perfectly dreadful horror melodrama about a family of whiners and complainers (Michael Rady, Drew Lynch, Debra Sullivan, and others) who gather for a Christmas celebration and soon find that their holiday punch has been spiked with a lethal drug that turns them all against one another involving deceit and murder. But since none of them are particularly likeable in the first place, it hardly matters and you may wish the punch was spiked with cyanide instead. Christmas-themed horror dreck like this is enough to turn anyone into a Scrooge. Unwatchable movies like these make the original “Silent Night, Deadly Night” look like “Casablanca” by comparison.

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“Catskill Park” (*1/2 out of four) was an umpteenth found-footage horror movie about a group of friends (Lauren Francesca, Wen Yann Shih, Katelyn Pearce, and others) who go on a camping trip in the tile park where they are suddenly besieged by 36 inches of snow and various alien rumblings that soon have them on the run for their lives. Yet another found-footage movie in which the footage should have remained lost. Relentlessly shaky hand-held camera movements may cause you to reach for the dramamine and annoying characters and performances will cause you even more to reach for the off button. Can’t somebody make a good horror movie set in upstate NY?

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“Smoke Screen” (*1/2 out of four) was a sleazy, derivative underworld melodrama about a botched assassination of the U.S. Attorney General which leads its perpetrators into hiding which leads to a war breaking out amongst various criminal factions (Dechen Thurman, Aesha Waks, Camrus Johnson, and others). Writer/director/star Sean Buttimer obviously watched “Mean Streets” several times before this but neither the characters, performances, or storytelling are as passionate or rich as that better-than-ever 1973 masterpiece. Co-star Thurman is Uma’s brother

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“Why Hide?” (*1/2 out of four) was a by-the-numbers bloodbath about a group of friends (Charlotte Atkinson, Elsie Bennett, Lorna Brown, and others) who gather for the Christmas holidays in a remote lodge on the English countryside where things soon go awry and they all start getting murdered one by one. Movies like these make you realize more and more how much the original “Halloween” and “Friday The 13th” were works of art by comparison. Striking cinematography by James Cook is the only asset here. “Why Watch?” would be a better title for this time-waster.

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“Bumblebee” (** out of four) was a middling spin-off of “The Transformers” series set in the ’80’s about a girl (Hailee Steinfeld) who on the eve of turning 18 discovers the battle-scarred and broken Bumblebee who she doesn’t realize is a transformer and this attracts the attention of a villainous military general (Jon Cena). Director Travis Knight infuses this with more heart and soul than any of Michael Bay’s noisy headaches but story gets too lumpy and it starts to go flat in its second half although it revs up again for a solid finale in which Bumblebee and the Decepticon Blitzwing battle it out. Kudos to a great soundtrack of ’80’s music and Steinfeld’s strong performance is a definite plus.

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“Interference” (** out of four) was a muddled psychodrama about a retiring world-weary detective (Bruce Thomas) who tries to discover the identity of a charred woman who is found in front of the boat of the District Attorney (Cayleb Long) who is pursuing a child serial killer. Half-baked and half-hearted ideas and characterizations borrowed from dozens of other cop and lawyer dramas but is given a marginal boost by Thomas who adds some spice and style. Inauspicious directing debut for noted sound effects editor Linda Di Franco.

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