October 22, 2022 “Hell On The Shelf” (* out of four) was a pretty dreadful found-footage horror show about two guys (Titus Himmelberger and Dave Fife) who are searching around for the key to various paranormal activity around a house and find that it stems from a Christmas Elf decoration that is emanating bad vibes and destructive behavior. More scares and certainly more fun may have ensued had they all baked cookies together instead. Yet another found-footage horror movie that seems to have been made from the philosophy “Hmm- if ‘The Blair Witch Project’ can do it- so can we”. Not a movie guaranteed to have much “shelf” life. Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “The Domestic” (*1/2 out of four) was a boring horror thriller set in South Africa in which a married couple (Thuli Thabethe and Amanda Du Pont) hires the daughter (Tumisho Masha) of their recently deceased housekeeper to take care of them but soon finds that she is hell-bent on wicked revenge and turns their lives upside down with voodoo and terror. Writer/director Bradley Katzen utilizes a creepy sense of dread in his aura and atmosphere; unfortunately the story goes nowhere and takes it sweet time getting there. For anyone who sticks with film through its torturous pacing, it doesn’t so much end as stop. “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle” told more-or-less the same story over 30 years ago! Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “V/H/S/99” (0 stars out of four) was a rockbottom entry in this confoundingly popular series (who the hell keeps buying these?) set in a nightmarish vision of 1999 in which various disturbing home videos are uncovered featuring a variety of sickos and freaks (Jesse LaTourette, Tybee Diskin, Verona Blue, and others) whose lives collide and they all have to try and survive and preserve their sanity which (believe me) is easier said than done. Film is so haphazard and incoherent that you could probably watch it backwards and it would make just as much sense but by no means is that a recommendation. The kind of movie that makes you want to take a shower immediately afterwards. Even for home-video and VHS lovers, you’ll want to press stop and eject long before this is over. Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “Dangerous Game: The Legacy Murders” (*1/2 out of four) was an uninvolving suspense potboiler about an estranged family (Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Jon Voight, Will Sasso) and others who reunite at a remote mansion but this reunion turns into a game of survival in which one is a murderer and the rest have to put their differences aside to stay alive. Feeble whodunit in which you could care less about the who or the it; a particular waste of Voight and Meyers could play this bitter role in his sleep by now. No relation to the Madonna/Harvey Keitel 1993 title of the same name but owes more than a bit to “Clue.” Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “Fall” (**1/2 out of four) was a half-terrifying/half-routine suspense drama about a woman (Grace Caroline Currey) recently reeling from the death of her partner in a mountain-climbing fall who agrees to team up with her best friend (Virginia Gardner) to conquer the fears of her recent tragedy by climbing a 2,000 foot radio tower but plans go askew when they find themselves stranded up there with no way down and no contact and no means of survival. Hair-raising at times and given a boost by strong performances of its 2 leads which put you up there right with them at the top of that tower but still film is never quite as gripping or connecting as it should have been. Overall worthwhile although not recommended for those with fear of heights or vertigo. Continue reading →
October 22, 2022 “Pumpkin Everything” (** out of four) was a saccharine adaptation of Beth Laponte’s novel about a novelist (Taylor Cole) who returns to her hometown to look after her dying grandfather (Michael Ironside) and take over his pumpkin-themed family store but soon crosses paths with a man (Paul Essiembre) from her past which in turn affects all of their futures. Pleasant but predictable story is as weightless as a pumpkin latte but not quite as filling. Good performances can only do so much with a recipe without much surprises or additional spice in the mix. Continue reading →
October 21, 2022 “Let’s Get Physical” (** out of four) was a bland melodrama about a pilates instructor (Jenna Dewan- who looks a lot like an older Megan Fox) who expands her struggling business by also becoming a prostitute when she starts over in a small town and initially her blockbuster business is booming until other locals become suspicious (and jealous) and she is subsequently arrested and scandalized. Seedy subject matter based on a true story is sanitized and homogenized into a typically pat made-for-television package. Not terrible but you can only wonder what a director like David O. Russell or Paul Thomas Anderson may have done with this material. Continue reading →
October 20, 2022 “The Possessed” (*1/2 out of four) was a strictly by-the-numbers horror thriller as unimaginative as its title about a seasoned exorcist (John Jarratt) who is summoned to uncover various demonic layers by the girlfriend (Lauren Grimson) of his nephew (Lincoln Lewis) but all-too-predictably all Hell Breaks loose. Lots of screams, loud shock effects, and Linda Blair-like voice mannerisms and vomiting but not much scares and certainly nothing original. “The Exorcist” had virtually the exact same plot all the way back in 1973! Jarratt is solid as usual but he should have called his agent and made “Wolf Creek 3” instead. Continue reading →
October 19, 2022 “Bitcon” (** out of four) was an unwieldy action comedy about a missing hard drive with hundreds of thousands of dollars in cryptocurrency and how this sets up a chase and multiple deceptions amongst various underworld figures (Noah Anderson, Ella Ma, Jeremy Davies, Frank Whaley, and others) trying to retrieve it. Writer/director Matt Osterman tries to keep things bouncy and lively but it all stalls and is a losing investment since none of the characters are likeable or all that interesting. It’s nice to see one-time 90’s stars Davies and Whaley back on screen again but they ought to invest in better scripts and projects than this. Continue reading →
October 18, 2022 “Piggy” (** out of four) was a lurid psychodrama from Spain about an overweight teenager (Laura Gelan) who is constantly bullied by a group of girls at school until she erupts with revenge which leads to a twist and turn of consequences for all of them. Gelan is outstanding and heartbreaking but film fanatics may note the overall familiarity of “Carrie” in this story especially in its second half when it becomes overly cerebral and grim. Film won much praise at various international film festivals in Spain. If you decide to watch, please watch in original language/subtitles because the American dubbing is hilariously awful. Continue reading →
